HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: Some things you need to get clear before you conduct any more on-line business: There is no banker in Zaire who needs you to deposit his money in your account; the e-mail from the "Biling Depratment" wasn't sent by your ISP; your penis will not be enlarged. It's tiny. Deal with it.

Taurus: Your dreams this week are haunted by a mysterious figure in black. Don't worry, it's not the grim reaper. It is, however, the late Paul Lynde. Personally, I think the reaper is less disturbing.

Gemini: You are plagued by the inescapable notion that you left your iron on this morning. Do not worry. You don't own an iron. I mean, come on, just look at your pants. Have they ever even seen an iron? I think not.

Cancer: Your dreams of becoming a celebrated inventor are dashed when you finally realize that the world doesn't need or want a condom made out of coleslaw.

Leo: And on a star-spangled night, my love, you can rest your head on my shoulder. While by the dawn's early light, my love, I will defend your right to cry. Love American-style. That's me and you!

Virgo: Before making travel plans, re-evaluate your budget. The trip to Jamaica will have to wait. You can, however, afford to get stoned and sit in your bathtub while you play a Ziggy Marley CD. Oh, wait. Never mind. You can't afford the CD, either. Well, you can hum.

Libra: That's not dry skin. That's leprosy.

Scorpio: Shaving your ass may seem like a good idea right now. When your buns start itching like crazy at work, you may see things a little differently.

Sagittarius: The acid is just about to kick in and you jklasgr 0894wnkl sajkl zxnmjias!@.

Capricorn: You are not ready for children. You are not ready for a dog. You are not ready for a goldfish or a houseplant. You are, in fact, pretty much in need of a nanny for yourself.

Aquarius: You meet the man you are destined to marry this week. Don't let the fact that he's wearing milk carton shoes and has his dick out put you off.

Pisces: You are promoted at work! You're moving from the fry station to the McNuggets! Your master's degree is finally paying off. Mazel tov!

posted by Joe # 5:46 PM

Comments:

Stop, you're making me blush. Or else this is a high blood-pressure attack.

# posted by

Joe : 5:15 PM

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, November 17, 2004 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: Some things you need to get clear before you conduct any more on-line business: There is no banker in Zaire who needs you to deposit his money in your account; the e-mail from the "Biling Depratment" wasn't sent by your ISP; your penis will not be enlarged. It's tiny. Deal with it. Taurus: Your dreams this week are haunted by a mysterious figure in black. Don't worry, it's not the grim reaper. It is, however, the late Paul Lynde. Personally, I think the reaper is less disturbing. Gemini: You are plagued by the inescapable notion that you left your iron on this morning. Do not worry. You don't own an iron. I mean, come on, just look at your pants. Have they ever even seen an iron? I think not. Cancer: Your dreams of becoming a celebrated inventor are dashed when you finally realize that the world doesn't need or want a condom made out of coleslaw. Leo: And on a star-spangled night, my love, you can rest your head on my shoulder. While by the dawn's early light, my love, I will defend your right to cry. Love American-style. That's me and you! Virgo: Before making travel plans, re-evaluate your budget. The trip to Jamaica will have to wait. You can, however, afford to get stoned and sit in your bathtub while you play a Ziggy Marley CD. Oh, wait. Never mind. You can't afford the CD, either. Well, you can hum. Libra: That's not dry skin. That's leprosy. Scorpio: Shaving your ass may seem like a good idea right now. When your buns start itching like crazy at work, you may see things a little differently. Sagittarius: The acid is just about to kick in and you jklasgr 0894wnkl sajkl zxnmjias!@. Capricorn: You are not ready for children. You are not ready for a dog. You are not ready for a goldfish or a houseplant. You are, in fact, pretty much in need of a nanny for yourself. Aquarius: You meet the man you are destined to marry this week. Don't let the fact that he's wearing milk carton shoes and has his dick out put you off. Pisces: You are promoted at work! You're moving from the fry station to the McNuggets! Your master's degree is finally paying off. Mazel tov! posted by Joe # 5:46 PM Comments: Stop, you're making me blush. Or else this is a high blood-pressure attack. # posted by Joe : 5:15 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011