• Publicly contradicting the president now punishable by caning.
• Two virgins to be sacrificed monthly to Highmaster Cheney.
• Instead of “the distinguished gentleman from [insert state]”, Democrats in the house will now be referred to as “the pissy little bitch-boy from [insert state].”
• All cabinet meetings now begin with twenty minute snake-handling session.
• Legislation no longer requires majority approval to pass, but rather “ten Republicans who dig it.”
• Ted Kennedy required at all times to wear a clown suit and a cow bell.
• Female legislators in both houses now assigned additional mandatory duties as “cloak room pleasure wenches.”
• Cabinet members with non-neoconservative tendencies must undergo partial lobotomy.
• Pledge of Allegiance now spoken exclusively in Tongues.
• In the Senate, straight white males now get two votes to everybody else’s one.
• State of the Union Address becomes “The Tostitos State of the Union Address.”
• Congressional approval of Supreme Court nominees replaced by “approval from the Lord God Almighty, as spoken in dreams and omens to President Bush.”
• Speaker of the House job now comes with official License to Kill.
• Thirteen states have initiatives on the ballots to outlaw homosexual thoughts, up to and including the strong opinion that Tom Selleck looks better with a moustache.
• Cabinet members now required to wear official uniform of pale blue jogging suit and white Nikes, and to take part in mandatory “drinking the Kool-Aid” drills.

I don't know about you, but I think this exciting new direction for our country is going to make things a lot better. After all, what did "debate" and "public discourse" ever get us? Nothin' but trouble.