Ah Presidents' Day, that most joyous of holidays. Time for drawing close to loved ones and celebrating, perhaps over a cup of mulled wine, perhaps over a bowl of delicious New England clam chowder, the heroes that have made America what we are today. I know that, in the Wack household, we usually wake up early on Presidents' Day. The children gather under the Presidents' tree and clamor to open their gifts while the Mrs. makes a sumptuous breakfast feast. After opening our presents and singing our favorite Presidents' carols, we bundle up and go on a drive to visit our friends and family.
Did you know that other countries celebrate Presidents' Day differently than we do? Well it's true! Let's take a spin around the globe and see How the World Celebrates Presidents' Day!
In China, Presidents' Day traditions include working a thirteen hour day in a sweatshop and selling your daughter into the sex trade!
On Presidents' Day in Iraq, the people come together with their neighbors and help pick up the rubble from car bombings!
Dutch people set aside Presidents' Day to smoke lots of drugs and have sex with prostitutes, men, donkeys and specially-made waffles!
Presidents' Day isn't celebrated in Britain, where the people are oppressed by a cruel monarch who rules with an iron fist. Maybe someday the British people will be free to share in the glorious benefits of democracy.
The citizens of Togo like to gather the entire family on Presidents' Day and hide in the basement to avoid being killed in a coup! The family huddles together and wishes they lived anyplace else.
In Australia, Presidents' Day is spent drunk. Well, drunker.
Canada doesn't have Presidents' Day, which is why we should never, ever trust them. Why, they don't even have a president! They're so crazy and backward!
However you and your family celebrate this blessed day, however you show your gratitude to George W. Bush for the wonderful, wonderful things he's given us all, from the $300 tax rebate to the nearly 1,500 U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq, we at Hairshirt want to wish you and yours a very merry Presidents' Day.