Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
A Short Play
(Scene: A restaurant. Tushie and Ling-Ling sit looking at menus.)
TUSHIE: Ling-Ling, how's my lipstick?
TUSHIE: Dammit. This was supposed to be smudge-proof.
LING-LING: Try mine. (She takes lipstick from her purse and hands it to Tushie.)
TUSHIE: (Taking cap off and looking) Ooooh. That's beautiful. What color is this?
LING-LING: Yak Blood.
TUSHIE: Mysterious. (She puts some on.) Is this flavored? It tastes vaguely coppery.
LING-LING: Yeah, I think it's yak blood-flavored.
TUSHIE: And it's smudge-proof?
LING-LING: Has been for me. Why don't you try it?
TUSHIE: Okay. (She takes a drink of water.) Oooooh. Nothing on the glass. (She kisses the back of her hand.) Nothing. Ha-ha. Wow. That's smudge-resistant. (She lowers her head and rubs her lips all over the table.) Mother of God, what will it take to smudge this stuff?
LING-LING: Nothing short of a nuclear explosion, according to the packaging.
LING-LING: Well, yaks are strong animals. Their blood, once shed is not easily gotten rid of. You might even say that the blood of the yak will never come off.
LING-LING: I put this lipstick on two-and-a-half months ago.
TUSHIE: So the lipstick is...
LING-LING: Cursed? Yeah. Yeah.
TUSHIE: Huh. (Pause) Do you know what you're going to get?
LING-LING: The s'more omelet sounds intriguing.