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Saturday, March 12, 2005


I Scream, You Scream...

I'm trying to lose a little weight, so I'm currently on a drive to cut back on desserts. Not working too well, as I've just eaten dinner and now my mind is on ice cream. I'm a big Ben & Jerry's fan. I particularly like their Flavors of the Month. Not always a hit, but sometimes they've come up with some of my favorite flavors. Oatmeal Cookie Chunk started out as a flavor of the month. It's cinnamon ice cream with pieces of oatmeal cookie and chocolate chips. Delicious. Dublin Mudslide was pretty good, too. Irish Coffee Liquer with chocolate and cookies and coffee fudge.

Some of these flavors prove so popular that they keep them around. Some of them go the way of the dodo. On the B & J websit, they've got what they call the Flavor Graveyard. It's a comprehensive list of all the flavors they've shitcanned through the years. Here are some of my favorites:
  • Tuna Noodle Casserole: Tuna-flavored ice cream with bits of noodle and potato chips. Canceled along with the rest of the Wavy Savory line in '96.
  • Rhinocerus Horny: Coffee ice cream with chunks of rhino horn, meant to act as both dessert and aphrodisiac. Test-marketed in China in 2002. Discontinued after PETA got word.
  • Jennifer Love Sherbert: Vanilla sherbert with swirls of nothing. Sold for about a month around the same time as the release of Can't Hardly Wait. Sold a total of four pints.
  • Razor Blade Ripple: Peanut Butter Ice Cream with bits of chocolate-covered razor blades. Rated poorly in the Test Kitchens and never actually manufactured.
  • Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!: Sugar flavored ice cream with brown sugar swirls and sugar cubes. Discontinued after a horrible sample give-away accident near the National Diabetics Foundation convention in '92.
  • Sally Struthers Surprise: Pistachio ice cream with caramel and ham. Never actually marketed, a hundred thousand pints of this flavor were manufactured specifically for Sally Struthers.
  • I'm Not as Think as You Drunk I Am: Rum ice cream with vodka-soaked fruit. Inadvertantly sold to minors in '99, this flavor nearly sunk the company.
  • Existential Crisis Sundae: Sorrow-flavored ice cream with swirls of ennui and despair. Sold well in Vienna, tanked everyplace else.
  • Grandma's Dentures: Peach ice cream with real false teeth in every carton. Proved too expensive to make. Discontinued in '89.
Man, I could really go for a bowl of Razor Blade Ripple right now.

Extra points for using my favorite word ennui.
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