Apparently, the next installment of the Star Wars series is going to be a slightly more grown-up film. Tired of the cuddly-wuddly world of ewoks, jawas and thinly-veiled racist stereotypes, creator George Lucas has decided to make Episode III: Revenge of the Sith a PG-13 affair. As always, Hairshirt is privy to all sorts of advanced information and so we bring you now the reasons this flick is inappropriate for the young 'uns.
Obi Wan Kenobi's first visit to Tatooine is set in a Mos Eisley tittie bar which features a double-vagged Dagoban stripper.
R2D2 and C3PO's gay-droid wedding seen by some as promoting both homosexuality and droidism.
This is the film that very graphically answers the question, "Does a Wookie shit in the woods?"
Yoda, Mace Windu and other members of the Jedi Council are shown passing a four-foot glass space-bong around in a party scene.
One too many "lightsabre-as-penis" analogies.
Irresponsible on-screen use of Carbonite might be replicated with disastrous results by lil'Jedi back home.
Instead of neatly dispatching a storm trooper with a blaster, Senator Amidala hacks him to death with a machete, then pisses on the pieces.
Merchandising may be too intense for younger viewers.
The reason for Darth Vader's mask is Anakin's horrid facial burns caused by a mishap while he's free-basing cocaine.
Overly violent scene in which Jar Jar Binks' eyes are gauged out and he's skull-fucked.
This definitely sounds like one for the grown-ups. Enjoy.