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Monday, April 25, 2005


Ha-Ha Funnies!

I've been spending a lot of time in bookstores lately, for some reason and I've been seeing a lot of good stuff in the Humor section. Here's some of the best jokes I've come across:

from Theater History Funnies by Oscar Brockett

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dadaist who?
Crown of squirrels!


from The Wit and Wisdom of Tom DeLay
How many activist judges does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to overstep the boundaries of the judiciary and unilaterally legislate their beliefs.


from The Big Book of Cannibal Humor
Two cannibals walk into a bar. The first one sniffs the air and says, "Hey! It smells like Missionary in here." The second one goes, "Okay, who belched?"


from The Depressingly True Joke Book
Why did George W. Bush cross the road?
Because he'd already fucked things up enough on this side.


from 1001 Jokes for Diplomats
How do you disarm a Syrian?
Push for freer elections and a more representative form of government, thus eliminating the need for armed insurrection.


from Dennis Miller's Rants, Volume 4803
And now Senate Democrats are threatening to filibuster if the 5% of Bush's nominees who they didn't pass come to the floor again. Listen, if I wanted to hear a Democratic senator talk nonstop, I'd just ask Teddy Kennedy to list all the Delta Gamma Delta gals he's banged in the last thirty years...Y'know, because he's promiscuous? He has a lot of sex outside of marriage? So, so he'd be talking for a long-- Is this thing on?


from How to Make Fun of Dick Cheney by Walter Cronkite
What's the difference between Dick Cheney and a baboon's ass?
Some people think baboons' asses are cute.

I refuse to believe anyone thinks baboons asses are cute.
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