HAIRSHIRT 

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

 

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: You need to ask yourself if breast implants are the wisest way to start experimenting with plastic surgery. Shouldn't you start with something smaller, like anal bleaching?

Taurus: Seeing as how you're not in the Senate, you can go ahead and filibuster all you want and I don't think anybody's really going to care.

Gemini: You're not a panther.

Cancer: Covering your genitals with frosting could be considered sexy, under certain circumstances, but since you're single and not sleeping with anybody, it's just kind of gross.

Leo: The urge to travel is very strong in you today, Leo. So is the urge to drink until you puke. Guess which one you're going to do?

Virgo: Yes, caramel corn is delicious. However, eating nothing else for a month is not quite the miracle diet you seem to think. Have a salad.

Libra: Fight against your instincts; your blind date will not go better once you start talking in a "funny Chinese" accent.

Scorpio: In search of culture, you decide that today is an excellent day to go to a museum. The good people at Madame Tussaud's thank you for your patronage.

Sagittarius: Today, as everything you do seems to go wrong, you begin to suspect that there's something off about the Feng Shui in your pants.

Capricorn: You're a little bit country. You're a little bit rock-n-roll. Mostly, though, you're polka. Loud, obnoxious polka.

Aquarius: Despite your most fervent wishes, your job is not going to be rained out today. You're a CPA. So haul your ass out of bed.

Pisces: Potential employers will not be impressed that you won the Wet T-Shirt Contest at Hooters Amateur Night. You probably should take it off of your resume. Unless you're applying to Hooters.

Comments:
any free palm reading info is so cheesy but we were looking at it anyway...why i dont know. I guess it is fun to play around online. Anyway, I saw your any free palm reading posts and though it was cool...Alright, well...have a great night, I am back to any free palm reading surfing LOL : )

Jon
 
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