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Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: You need to ask yourself if breast implants are the wisest way to start experimenting with plastic surgery. Shouldn't you start with something smaller, like anal bleaching?

Taurus: Seeing as how you're not in the Senate, you can go ahead and filibuster all you want and I don't think anybody's really going to care.

Gemini: You're not a panther.

Cancer: Covering your genitals with frosting could be considered sexy, under certain circumstances, but since you're single and not sleeping with anybody, it's just kind of gross.

Leo: The urge to travel is very strong in you today, Leo. So is the urge to drink until you puke. Guess which one you're going to do?

Virgo: Yes, caramel corn is delicious. However, eating nothing else for a month is not quite the miracle diet you seem to think. Have a salad.

Libra: Fight against your instincts; your blind date will not go better once you start talking in a "funny Chinese" accent.

Scorpio: In search of culture, you decide that today is an excellent day to go to a museum. The good people at Madame Tussaud's thank you for your patronage.

Sagittarius: Today, as everything you do seems to go wrong, you begin to suspect that there's something off about the Feng Shui in your pants.

Capricorn: You're a little bit country. You're a little bit rock-n-roll. Mostly, though, you're polka. Loud, obnoxious polka.

Aquarius: Despite your most fervent wishes, your job is not going to be rained out today. You're a CPA. So haul your ass out of bed.

Pisces: Potential employers will not be impressed that you won the Wet T-Shirt Contest at Hooters Amateur Night. You probably should take it off of your resume. Unless you're applying to Hooters.

any free palm reading info is so cheesy but we were looking at it anyway...why i dont know. I guess it is fun to play around online. Anyway, I saw your any free palm reading posts and though it was cool...Alright, well...have a great night, I am back to any free palm reading surfing LOL : )

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