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Monday, April 04, 2005


Just Say No

Ah, abstinence-only sex ed. What a wonderful thing. I don't know how anyone could doubt its effectiveness. It's just common sense: if you don't tell kids about sex, they won't have sex. It's not like they're going to form horribly skewed ideas of sexual ethics or engage in risky sexual behavior because they've had facts withheld. Heavens forefend!

So they've released a study conducted in California in which a whole buttload of teenagers--as young as 14--say that they've engaged in oral sex; that they don't think that oral sex can spread diseases and that they don't consider oral sex to really be sex. The study says that, "one-third of the mutli-ethnic ninth-graders surveyed said they intended to have oral sex within the next six months." Now, I was in ninth grade once and I certainly don't remember planning that far ahead. The study says that boys were more likely to perform oral sex than girls. Again, I was in ninth grade once and I can tell you for damn sure that I wouldn't have been able to navigate my way around a woman's genitals if you'd given me a GPS system and a sherpa.

What the hell is going on here? Could it be that, in this culture where sex education consists of little more than an admonition to wait until marriage, young women think that they're maintaining their purity by only taking it up the ass? Do these young ladies feel that, while they're admittedly too young to handle the social and emotional consequences of intercourse, a beejay under the bleachers is a trifle? Is cunnilingus the new "holding hands"?

This has got to fucking stop. 'Cause the kids won't stop fucking.

For the love of fucking God, we need to inform these kids. They need to know enough to be able to manage their sexuality. They need to know how to avoid pregnancy when they finally succumb (and most of them will) to that irresistible urge to go for the full-on humpty. They need to know that blowing a dozen guys but remaining a "technical virgin" still makes them a "technical slut" in the eyes of their peers. They need to know that unprotected anal sex is a whole lot riskier than the old-fashioned kind of sex, because "But we just did it up the butt" is not an adequate defense against disease.

The religious right--that tiny group of loud, loud bastards--is dragging our sex education back to the stone age. Where's it going to stop? Are we going to have girls that think that an orgasm is demonic possession? We need to fight back. The best way to stop these kids from doing what's wrong is to teach them what's right. One of the most shameful things ever to happen to a public official in this country (in my opinion) is the backlash that hit Joycelyn Elders when it came out, as she was facing congressional hearings on her way to becoming Clinton's Surgeon General, that she had advocated teaching boys about masturbation. The fact that this issue brought her nomination to a screeching halt is despicable. If we taught boys that masturbation is okay, perhaps we wouldn't have so many repressed freaks turning into serial killers. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But we'd definitely have fewer 15-year olds who have to find out the hard way that Vick's Vapo-Rub is a bad choice for masturbatory lubricant.

Not that I ever did that.

I planned to receive oral sex constantly as a kid, it just never worked out that way.
When substituting a few years back a grade 9 girl was caught giving a grade 11 boy a blowjob behind the school. She was caught cause she told all her friends to watch and the crowd attracted a teacher.

I wouldn't have wanted to be the person who called the parents.
A small point, Joe, Joycelyn Elders was actually Surgeon General when she made her famous remark. I will now carry word of your blog to the other side of the pond.
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