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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

 

Summer Movie Preview, Part I

The Entertainment Weekly Summer Movie Preview came out last week and I can honestly say I haven't been this excited about a summer full of films in years. I'm not just talking about the big films, like Batman Begins or Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, that the entire world has heard of and awaits with baited breath. I'm talking about some smaller films of which I'd been completely unaware until EW opened my eyes...and my heart. Here's a run-down of what's on the cineplexion horizon:

Monster-in-Law: Apparently, Jane Fonda isn't quite as dead as I'd thought she was. And the even better news is that someone had the smarts to say, "Jane Fonda isn't dead? Well put her in a movie with J-Lo!" I know everyone is as concerned as I am with the trauma Jenny has had with her love life through the years. Now, she's done a film about it and it turns out the problem has been with her boyfriends' mothers. Who knew?

Jiminy Glick in Lalawood: Oh boy! When Comedy Central canceled Martin Short's hilarious program about an annoying fat guy a couple of years back, I was absolutely panicked that I'd never see the character again. Thankfully, I can take my head out of the oven at last, as Short has put together an entire feature-length movie about Jiminy bothering people! You might think it's silly of me, but I'm down on my knees praying that Short does some of that hilarious dancing he's so good at. It just never gets old.

Kingdom of Heaven: I was pretty sure Ridley Scott was spending all of his time working on NUMB3RS. Have you seen this? It's the riveting television drama about an FBI agent who sometimes (by which I mean every episode) has to call in his brother who's good with math. You'd have thought that it'd be tough to make math interesting or dramatic. But anyway, it looks like Mr. Scott found enough time in his schedule to helm a movie about the Crusades. And it stars Orlando Bloom! Yay! So often with these historic epics, they just throw in any old generic actor and let the period costumes be the star. But not this time! Orlando's going to make religious war pretty!

House of Wax: A horror re-make? Hurrah! Wait, wait...it stars two of my absolute favorite, incredibly talented teen actors, Elitha Cushbert and Murray Chad Michael? Wow! Hold on...it's also got...Paris Hilton!?! This is going to be soooo good! Man, after I saw the incredible range Paris displayed during her guest host stint on SNL, I was wondering when someone'd get around to casting her in a movie. The guessing's over. I'm betting she's so good that the entire audience will be caught up in what's happening to her character and not simply thinking, "That's the skank who I saw blowing that guy in the grainy night-vision video. What's she doing on screen?"

Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith: I don't know why people have been complaining so much about the last few Star Wars movies. For my money, George Lucas just keeps getting better and better as a writer and director. And this is it, guys. After this, there are no more new Jedi flicks. So I think we all need to put aside our differences and just treasure this one. Hold it close to our hearts. Nurture and love it. Just the way it is.

Wow. All that good stuff, and that's just May! I guess I'll have to come back to the rest of the summer later, because I just don't have room in one little post to fit everything.

Comments:
You need to write for Maxim
 
I LOVE movies. I can't wait till the drive-in opens... and I find friends who own cars who can take me.
 
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