Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The Name Game
So two of my very good friends are about to have a baby. They're actually the first of my friends to do this, which makes it doubly exciting (this does not count people who I knew for a semester in college and haven't spoken with for twelve years.)
They're trying to come up with a name for the little guy and have gone to desperate lengths to aid this effort. They've settled on the middle name Wolfgang. Now, I'm not going to say anything about that, because, hey, any name that's used by both Mozart and the child of Valerie Bertenelli and Eddie Van Halen has to be great, right? Yeah.
But for the first name, they've come to an impasse. They've got eight names and they're asking they're friends to vote on them, tourny style, pitting two names against each other to see who makes it to the next round until it's name vs name, mano a mano. I won't get into what names they've chosen, which are all lovely (with the exception of Leif--sorry guys, Leif is a guy with feathered hair from 1978.)
But this got me thinking about what would be the worst combination of boy's names ever. I never do call outs like this, because it always seems a little like I'm desperately trolling for comments. But today, in honor of my friends, I'd like to see what people who read this blog can come up with. I'll start things off with my Top Five Worst Male Baby Name Combos:
Although, Roderigo Bjorn is actually starting to grow on me. Roderigo Bjorn Wack. Hmm.
I love this game. Mine are all people I have actually met or heard of.
1. Juan Weinstein (culture clash)
2. Jenaro Bollsano (If only I were making that up. My cousin dated him.)
3. Manny Kladitis (sounds like vd.)
4. Patty Populorum (alcoholic. small wonder.)
5. Rocky Brook (10th grade world history teacher. Had a Peter Pan Blonde toupee. Once sang "You're the one that I want" from Grease with Mrs. Daniels, the 10th grade english teacher, in a school talent show. The memory haunts me still.)
I keep a list of unfortunate names that I carry around with me.
They are all real. Two of them I know personally. Here is a small sampling:
Dr. James Pindick
Dr. Dick Inserto
I'm actually looking for first name-middle name combos, folks. Although, if we're doing first name-last name, I've got a couple that Mrs. Garret might know, both from my hometown. I actually knew a guy named Dick Seaman and another fella by the name of Jack Offenbecher. Lord have mercy.
RE; first and last name combos. My favorites of people I actually knew were:
Twila Bumpers and...
Sorry, my strong sense of morality prevents me from betraying my friends' confidence and sharing their names with you. Plus, they're really tough and might hunt me down and destroy me.
I think you could put any name in front of "Wack" and it would sound cool. (sorry I've been so neglectful lately)
one of the files that came across my desk recently was the name of "Dinky Lou". it's no "Stinky Lou" but pretty darn close, wouldn't you say???Post a Comment