Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Oh, What a Relief It Is
It's been quite a week so far in the Hairshirt household. My wife, whose birthday is today for anyone looking to shower her in jewels and/or peanut butter cookies, found out on Monday that she passed the NY Bar Exam, the most notoriously difficult Bar in the country, with the exception of West Virginia, where the standards are a little higher.
We were on edge for the past couple weeks, knowing that the results were going to be coming out. We were forming back-up plans just in case something awful happened and the results came back in some unsatisfactory form. The obvious choice, of course, would have been for her to murder a practicing attorney and assume their identity, which would have been tricky, especially if that attorney knew a lot of people. We thought also, if she was forced to re-take the test, of using performance-enhancing steroids, because we'd heard that that's what Alan Dershowitz did. There was also the option of simply turning her back on the legal profession and entering the more lucrative field of chinchilla farming, which is a very popular career within the nurturing confines of New York City.
Fortunately, we didn't have to resort to any of these, as she not only passed, but received a special commendation as the Cutest Bar-Taker.
On the not-so-great news side of things, I did not successfully complete Mercy College's academically rigorous Culminating Assessment Project, which I handed in last month. The "C.A.P."--which consists of correctly spelling "nacho" on a 3" x 5" index card in crayon--proved too demanding for me. The result is that I won't be receiving my actual degree until September, meaning the New York City public school system gets to pay me slave wages for an extra three months, adding weight to my theory that it's a random budget-quota thing and that my "C.A.P." was actually just fine.
The most exciting news of all in our household, however, is that I got a brand new box of tin-foil, which means I can make improvements to my special hat, which keeps the government's satellites from reading my mind. Get out of my head, you bastards!
All of us at Eastland are proud that another of our alums has gone on to greatness. Please give your wife our best regards on passing the Bar! We were all set to sent her a congratulatory bundt cake that I had baked, but Natalie ingested it via phagocytosis with her burgeoning pseudopod. Sorry about that.
Yay for your wife! (And yay to you for if she lands herself a sweet job you can quit teaching and open up a tin-foil hat making company.)
Pat may be right about the Tiddly winks. They were an important part of her early student life at Homesville, WA.Post a Comment
We are very proud of our Lawyer! May she long weigh Justice!