Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Saturday, May 21, 2005


A Picture's Worth a Couple of Words

I have got to say that I'm shocked--shocked--that a paper of such normally high standards as the New York Post would print a picture of Saddam Hussein in his underwear. The fact that the picture was also run in The Sun leads me to believe that Rupert Murdoch, who owns both papers, is trying to tell us something. I believe that Rupert Murdoch is in love with Saddam. Why else would he be so eager to show the world a scantily-clad ex-dictator? He thinks Hussein is S-E-X-X-Y! (to appropriate a They Might Be Giants lyric.)

Well all I can say to that is that Mr. Murdoch shouldn't be abusing his position as a media mogul to inflict his erotic tastes on the rest of us. Sure, Americans are sexually liberal enough to discuss sexuality with our teenagers (as long as it's only to tell them to keep their pee-pees in their trousers) and to put up with the presence of homosexuals on prime-time television (as long as they don't do any of that icky kissing stuff), but most of us don't have a high tolerance for the kind of perversion that Rupert Murdoch apparently enjoys.

This is why I'm urging him to not publish any of these other pictures that I've heard he's considering splashing on the front page of his papers in order to give him the cheap thrills he so enjoys:
  • Mohamar Kaddaffi in drag as Marilyn Monroe.
  • Dick Cheney shaving his balls with a samurai sword.
  • Kim Jong Il stroking it in front of a busload of nuns.
  • Bill Frist giving Tom Delay a Dirty Sanchez.
  • Fidel Castro in a speedo.
  • Queen Elizabeth tea-bagging Prince Phillip.
  • Condi Rice pegging Paul Wolfowitz.
  • Vladimir Putin in leather chaps and nipple clamps.
  • Tom Cruise holding hands with Katie Holmes.
  • Barbara Bush giving George H. W. Bush a golden shower.
Please, Mr. Murdoch, keep these images in your private photo album and let the rest of us go to our graves without seeing something as awful as Newt Gingrich donkey-punching a boy scout.