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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

 

Bush's Brain Damage

It's now becoming increasingly clear that Karl Rove, President Bush's closest advisor, is responsible for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press. The Bush Administration has said, over the course of the investigation into the outing of Valerie Plame as an undercover agent, that the person responsible for this leak would be fired. The administration has been notoriously opposed to leaks from its first days in office. And yet, press secretary Scott McClellan refused to say yesterday whether the president intended to take any disciplinary action if Rove is, in fact, proved to be the source of the leak.

A Hairshirt investigative report has now uncovered still more leaks for which Karl Rove is responsible, including the following:
  • 12/13/58--Leaked to his mother that his older sister had sneaked a peek at her Christmas presents.
  • 10/1/69--Leaked to his frat brothers that he'd "nailed Irene Murphy". (He hadn't)
  • 2/17/75--Leaked his mother's secret recipe for ambrosia salad to his wife.
  • 10/21/82--Leaked some urine into his trousers when he got into a bar fight.
  • 4/30/87--Leaked to his 7-year-old nephew that the Easter Bunny wasn't real.
  • 5/29/93--Leaked to a friend that Tom Berenger was the killer in the movie Sliver.
  • 7/13/99--Leaked to his dinner date that he "might have exaggerated" his penis size in the singles' chat-room where they met.
  • 12/18/02--Leaked to a colleague that he had a secret Amazon Wish List where he put soft core porn flicks he intended to buy.
  • 7/1/05--Leaked to President Bush that he was "addicted to" ABC's Dancing with the Stars.
As you can see, this is a man who has a history of leakage. He seems, in fact, unable to keep his fat, stupid mouth shut. Hairshirt believes that the Bush administration needs to take immediate action and leak Karl Rove out of his job.

 

 
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