Aries: Your world spins apart No New York Olympic games Damn you, Tony Blair!
Taurus: It's almost that time San Diego Comicon God damn, you're a geek
Gemini: Gentle summer breeze Blows through your thick lustrous hair In your dreams, baldy
Cancer: Your porn collection Is now at your son's friend's house Not real well hidden
Leo: You are the king here Ruler of all you survey In your mom's basement
Virgo: Athleticism Hallmark of your glory days There's always sumo
Libra: Finding a doctor Who's accepting new patients Huge pain in the ass
Scorpio: That blonde might like you She might want to jump your bones But probably not Sagittarius: Kindness drips from you Like honey from a beehive But not as sticky
Capricorn: No, you cannot fly You're just incredibly high You hippie dipshit
Aquarius: That clam you just ate? So salty, rich, delicious? Yeah, that was tainted
Pisces: Your great summer tan Will deepen as years go by To wrinkly leather
