HAIRSHIRT

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Still Crazy After All This Year

It's my one-year blogiversary!

I looked it up and, according to Ms. Manners, the one-year blogiversary is the "paper blogiversary, which means anything you want to buy me should have a "paper" theme. This would include checks and lucrative writing contracts.

So, how have I grown and matured in this last year? How much progress have I made toward the realization of my goals? How have I made the world a better place? Answers: I haven't; fucking none and in no way whatsoever.

In fact, the only thing I think this blog has done is to give people a greater appreciation for the comedic stylings of Sinbad, through my weekly "Sinbad as He Wants to Be" segment. You go, Sinbad.

I want to thank both of my readers for their support over the last year. I would also ask that one of them--I won't say which--stop sending me naked pictures, as I'm just not interested.

I won't go into any deep mushy thing about how much I love my wife--although I do--because you've heard it all before. I will, though, give her credit for my starting this in the first place. She did this mostly by pointing out that I couldn't truly call myself a writer if my only justification was that I sat around the house in a smoking jacket and a beret. (This still seems like writerly behavior to me.)

What does the next year hold for Hairshirt? Glad I asked.

In August, I will be writing an investigative series that should blow the lid off of the edible underwear industry. This series, which I've tentatively titled "Deadly Crotches" is a pretty good bet to win me my first Pulitzer. (Or Pyulitzer, depending on whom you ask. )
Assuming all goes well with my scheduled trip to Afghanistan, September will see the publication of my interview with Osama Bin Laden. I'm going to try to get beyond the "Master of Evil" image we've all come to accept and try to find the frightened little boy within. I hope to get him to talk for the first time about his battle with bed-wetting.
October will mark the one-year anniversary of the Hairshirt Horoscopes. I'm planning a special Anniversary Edition in which everyone gets exactly what they want so they stop fucking bitching at me.
For Thanksgiving in November, I'll be writing a minute-by-minute account of what it's like to go the entire length of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade riding in a sousaphone.
December is, of course, Christmas time. And I'll be celebrating the season by serializing my adaptation of Dickens' A Christmas Carol in which I transplant the action to a marijuana farm in Jamaica. I think A Rasta Carol will take holiday stories to a whole new level.
January through March, I won't be updating Hairshirt, as I'm going to be hibernating with a sloth of black bears in the Canadian wilderness, an experience I will be writing about in April.
I'll be teaming with the magic-tastic David Blaine next May for an endurance challenge, about which I'll be blogging daily. The two of us are going to spend three weeks lodged between the rolls of a sumo wrestler's fat. Should make for riveting reading.
Finally, next June, I will at last be writing the full story of my secret affair with Katie Holmes and all about how she converted to Agnosticism before she converted to Scientology.

It should be an exciting year. I hope you'll stick with me through it. Thanks for reading.

posted by Joe # 2:12 PM

Comments:

Thanks for writing.

Happy Blogiversary!

# posted by

Wicked H : 3:07 PM

Congratulations! If you cease to blog, the terrorists have already won.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:08 PM

Well Joe, congratulations first. I like to read your blog very much. I'm still at the beginning, but I'm looking forward to my first anniversary already. I had the 500th visitor at my page these days, well after I started the counter some day. I promise to visit you further on (and on, and on.......) Konrad

# posted by

Konrad : 11:08 AM

You're just hilarious. Love reading you. Happy Blogiversary!

# posted by

Sara Beth : 12:26 PM

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Still Crazy After All This Year

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		Saturday, July 23, 2005 Still Crazy After All This Year It's my one-year blogiversary! I looked it up and, according to Ms. Manners, the one-year blogiversary is the "paper blogiversary, which means anything you want to buy me should have a "paper" theme. This would include checks and lucrative writing contracts. So, how have I grown and matured in this last year? How much progress have I made toward the realization of my goals? How have I made the world a better place? Answers: I haven't; fucking none and in no way whatsoever. In fact, the only thing I think this blog has done is to give people a greater appreciation for the comedic stylings of Sinbad, through my weekly "Sinbad as He Wants to Be" segment. You go, Sinbad. I want to thank both of my readers for their support over the last year. I would also ask that one of them--I won't say which--stop sending me naked pictures, as I'm just not interested. I won't go into any deep mushy thing about how much I love my wife--although I do--because you've heard it all before. I will, though, give her credit for my starting this in the first place. She did this mostly by pointing out that I couldn't truly call myself a writer if my only justification was that I sat around the house in a smoking jacket and a beret. (This still seems like writerly behavior to me.) What does the next year hold for Hairshirt? Glad I asked. In August, I will be writing an investigative series that should blow the lid off of the edible underwear industry. This series, which I've tentatively titled "Deadly Crotches" is a pretty good bet to win me my first Pulitzer. (Or Pyulitzer, depending on whom you ask. ) Assuming all goes well with my scheduled trip to Afghanistan, September will see the publication of my interview with Osama Bin Laden. I'm going to try to get beyond the "Master of Evil" image we've all come to accept and try to find the frightened little boy within. I hope to get him to talk for the first time about his battle with bed-wetting. October will mark the one-year anniversary of the Hairshirt Horoscopes. I'm planning a special Anniversary Edition in which everyone gets exactly what they want so they stop fucking bitching at me. For Thanksgiving in November, I'll be writing a minute-by-minute account of what it's like to go the entire length of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade riding in a sousaphone. December is, of course, Christmas time. And I'll be celebrating the season by serializing my adaptation of Dickens' A Christmas Carol in which I transplant the action to a marijuana farm in Jamaica. I think A Rasta Carol will take holiday stories to a whole new level. January through March, I won't be updating Hairshirt, as I'm going to be hibernating with a sloth of black bears in the Canadian wilderness, an experience I will be writing about in April. I'll be teaming with the magic-tastic David Blaine next May for an endurance challenge, about which I'll be blogging daily. The two of us are going to spend three weeks lodged between the rolls of a sumo wrestler's fat. Should make for riveting reading. Finally, next June, I will at last be writing the full story of my secret affair with Katie Holmes and all about how she converted to Agnosticism before she converted to Scientology. It should be an exciting year. I hope you'll stick with me through it. Thanks for reading. posted by Joe # 2:12 PM Comments: Thanks for writing. Happy Blogiversary! # posted by Wicked H : 3:07 PM Congratulations! If you cease to blog, the terrorists have already won. # posted by Anonymous : 9:08 PM Well Joe, congratulations first. I like to read your blog very much. I'm still at the beginning, but I'm looking forward to my first anniversary already. I had the 500th visitor at my page these days, well after I started the counter some day. I promise to visit you further on (and on, and on.......) Konrad # posted by Konrad : 11:08 AM You're just hilarious. Love reading you. Happy Blogiversary! # posted by Sara Beth : 12:26 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011