HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005Ohio--The Heart of it All!
Greetings from sunny Ohio!
I'm taking advantage of my summer break to spend some time with my family in the Buckeye State. For those who are unaware, Ohio is called the Buckeye State because during the Civil War, Union colonels looking to motivate their troops decided to pay the soldiers for every rebel they killed. The bonus was two dollars per dead rebel. Acceptable proof of the kill was both of the rebel's eyes. Rumor has it that the Kennedy family's fortune started when JFK's great-grandfather, Ezekiel Kennedy, found a bag of eyes lying in the forest and claimed them as his own. Ohio has three world-class cities: Cleveland, Columbus and Cincinnati. Pretty odd that they all start with "C", right? Actually, not a coincidence. In 1895, the state legislature decided that Ohio's largest cities should put on a unified front. They figured the best way to do this was in an alliterative manner. The state senate voted 109-0 to change the names of Nincinnatti and Bolumbus and the rest is history. Many scholars believe that the state legislature drank a lot in the 1890s. Ohio is the only state to have had a chimpanzee as governor. This was during the "Chimpanzee Fad" of the 1950s. Bobo ran as a republican and trounced democrat Michael DiSalle. Sadly, he was impeached midway through his term, after it was found out that he had misappropriated funds. A fact not too widely known is that Ohio was not officially a state until 1987. The paperwork necessary for statehood was thought to have been completed in 1803, but it came to light in 1986 that someone had forgotten to fill out the back of one of the pages, on which Ohio needed to have listed three other states as references. Apparently, Ohio meant to complete it, but had a couple of beers while trying to figure out who it should ask and then just forgot about it when it was time to mail it in. Many people born in Ohio have gone on to international prominence, among them Steven Spielberg, John Glenn, Bob Hope and Adolph Hitler. Hitler never actually lived in Ohio, he was just born here while his parents were on a trip to Amish country near Orrville. Ohio is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (in Cleveland), the Football Hall of Fame (in Canton) and the Dirty Hippie Hall of Fame (in Yellow Springs). Additionally, an executive order from Governor Richard Celeste in 1983 mandated that every town and city with a population of over 4 had to have its own hall of fame. I am in the Berlin Center Hall of Fame in recognition of the time I found twenty bucks in a parking lot. It's not that exciting a place, Berlin Center. Not many people know that Ohio is the porn capital of the midwest. More watersports films are shot in Ohio than in every other state in the union combined. So, if you get a chance, come see one of the most underappreciated states in the country. And make sure to stop in at Chillicothe, home of the world's largest litterbox, capable of taking the dung of 1000 cats at a time!
Comments:
Maybe the name of the state should be changed to Cohio? So Cadolph Chitler was born there? I thought he was from Caustria?
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