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Wednesday, October 12, 2005


My Sincere Apologies

My 35th birthday is tomorrow, so I'm being all kinds of self-indulgent tonight.

I just bought a huge stack of comic books and read them all in one sitting, the geek equivalent of eating an entire pizza. You see, the miniseries Infinite Crisis came out today. It's a huge, huge book in the DC Universe and I've been looking forward to it for almost a year, so it took precedence over writing the horoscopes. I'm a big, big, 35-year-old geek.

There are one or two things I'd like to comment on while I'm typing:

There was, apparently, a guy in China who was keeping six bears in captivity and extracting their bile for commercial sale. This week, the bears killed and ate him. Two things this brings to my mind: First, don't fucking keep bears captive and take their bile for commercial sale. Second, if he took a lot of their bile, did they have trouble digesting him?

The other news item that caught my eye is the finessing of the Vatican's stance on homosexual priests. Instead of the outright ban that they'd been leaning toward, apparently, they're implementing a slightly more nuanced rule. From here on out, they're not taking anybody into the priesthood if they've had butt sex in the last three years; if they go to gay book stores or if they "proudly acknowledge a gay identity". So that's fucking awesome. The Vatican is only going to let in self-hating homosexuals. Right. 'Cause they're the most stable.

Oh, and a quick note on The Amazing Race Family Edition. That overly precious little shit in the Gaghan family has got to go. If he breaks into song or sighs dramatically again, I'm going to put my fucking boot through the set.

'Kay. Well, I've got more geeky shit to do right now. I'll get those horoscopes out tomorrow, 'cause I know that everybody's lives depend on it. Have a nice night, world. Stay dry. Hugs!

Happy Birthday!
You have to prove
That you're not scared
Enter the cage
Take the dare
Screaming death
In the beast's lair
You couldn't read the signs

Don't go in there
You best beware

Don't feed the bears

Stupid fool
You should have known
That's some place you shouldn't go
Polar giant on you
Blood starts to flow
They belong not in a cage
But in the fucking snow

Don't go in there
You best beware

And please don't feed the fucking bears!

(snappy drum roll)
(bear belch)

Happy Birthday, you suave motherfucker!
I have only been able to watch one episode of The Amazing Race this year. It annoyed me so much I haven't watched it again. Even the commercials manage to irk me.

Happy happy joy joy in the being alive 35 years thing.
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