Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Thursday, October 20, 2005


When Bush Comes to Shove

President Bush held a news conference today in the White House's Rose Garden. I must say the Rose Garden is looking lovelier under this president than in any time in recent memory. It could, I suppose, have something to do with how well fertilized the garden is, what with all the bullshit that comes out of the Oval Office on a daily basis.

Bush, speaking to the press during a visit from Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas, addressed the problems and scandals plaguing his administration. Asked about what most people see as a buttload of negativity--from record-low approval ratings to controversy over the Harriet Miers nomination to the indictment or pending indictment of Republican bigwigs all over D.C.--Bush said that he's not really paying it all that much attention.

"The American people," the president said, "expect me to do my job. And I'm going to do it."

He referred to the overwhelming tide of bad news about himself and his political allies as
"background noise" and stated his intention to ignore it. This brings up the question of exactly what the problem is with the president's hearing. If this, to him, is "background noise", perhaps the man needs to invest in a better hearing aid. Does cocaine damage auditory nerves?

And, as far as America expecting him to do his job, I've gotta say that I, for one, haven't expected him to do his job at any point over the last five years. I've expected him to smirk and stammer and obey the orders of his corporate masters, but never to do anything presidential. And he's never once by God disappointed me.

I hope every person who voted for him last year has ass-warts.

On an unrelated note, this story that I came across on Google News raised a question I'm thinking fanboys all over America are probably asking themselves: Is this WWII-era airman frozen in ice actually the real Captain America? If so, why didn't the Avengers find him before some lame-ass fucking hiker?