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Sunday, November 20, 2005


The Gentleman from Iowa Can Go Fuck Himself

Holy shit. Laying in bed this morning when my radio went off and Weekend Edition came on. They played a clip of a bunch of people yelling and screaming. I figured maybe it was a scene from Peter Jackson's new Kong flick. Then I was thinking perhaps it was a hostage stand-off gone horribly, horribly wrong. But no.

No, it was, in point of fact, the House of Representatives. It was a bunch of members of congress yelling at the person at the mike. It was the Speaker of the House banging on his gavel and very nearly having to fire his gun in the air to keep the rowdy crowd under control. It was awesome.

This is not the congress I'm used to. There wasn't a whole lot of "I must disagree with the gentlewoman from Missouri as to her position on the bill at hand." It was more like Jerry Springer, just instead of arguing over whether Kaylee slept with Jethro before or after she got married to Billy Bob, they were talking about the war.

For years, I've thought it was odd that the House of Commons always sounded so much more passionate than anything you heard on C-SPAN. I mean, c'mon, we're Americans! We've got no self-control. We're twenty times rowdier than a bunch of Britons (soccer hooligans excluded). But Friday, they were giving us the full Smackdown.

And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe Americans would pay more attention to what was going on with the people making our nation's laws if those people oiled up their bodies and hit each other with chairs. Roy Blunt takes the mike: "Lemme tell ya, the Iron Rep is going down Tuesday night. The only bill he's going to pass is the one I shove down his throat." Then Fancy Nancy Pelosi sneaks up and hits him over the head with a chair. Riveting.

I know I'll be tuning in.

"Patty 'The Sneaker' Murray riles up the crowd as she hauls her slight frame laboriously atop the third turnbuckle. It looks bleak for Phil 'Philly Phil" English, as he stands dazed in the center of the ring.

"Murray, the tiny titan, pauses briefly to rouse even more adulation from her fans before launching herself at the congressman from Pennsylvania with an epic elbow drop.

"But...OOOOOOOOOH! English catches her in mid air in a stunning reversal and secures her doom with his patented reverse suplex, 'The Philly Buster'.

"I don't think Murray's walking away from that one."
I heard that too. Good stuff.
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