Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hairshirt Horoscope (Brought to you by the National Pie Council)
Aries: A delicious pie could lead you to a very powerful spiritual healing experience, dear Aries.
Taurus: Do you like detective stories, Taurus? If so, you may find them of use today as you attempt to figure out why you haven't been eating more pie lately.
Gemini: A business or romantic partner may seem preoccupied with very serious matters today, Gemini. In fact, they're thinking about how much they'd love a delicious slice of pie.
Cancer: Some rather annoying and extensive paperwork might need to be dealt with today, Cancer. So make sure you take the time to eat your pie in the morning, when it's still fresh.
Leo: A fascinating article in the newspaper could lead you to try your hand at creating your own pie today, Leo. Your mind is perfectly suited to think of new and exciting crumb toppings.
Virgo: An important lost object, perhaps a pie of some kind, could take up the attention of your entire household this morning, Virgo. This may prove exceptionally frustrating at first, because you can still smell how delicious it is.
Libra: Someone in your neighborhood has disappeared, Libra. Their family might take some solace in a really good pie.
Scorpio: You might have some pie to take care of today, Scorpio, which could have a big impact on your financial future.
Sagittarius: The study of pie might be especially appealing to you today, Sagittarius. Some recent developments in this field, which you've heard of through the mass media, have really piqued your interest.
Capricorn: Occult sciences such as alchemy, phrenology and pie could be singing a siren song to you, Capricorn. You like to think of yourself as down to earth and realistic, but everybody loves pie.
Aquarius: A group discussion could lead to heated discussions about famous pies, dear Aquarius. Is apple better with a double crust? How much brown sugar should go into a pumpkin pie? These and other mysteries might capture the interest of everyone present--and lead to some heated debates about possible solutions.
Pisces: A pie could be leaving your place of employment under strange circumstances, Pisces, and this could come as a shock to you. You are quite fond of pie.