Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Monday, November 07, 2005


Stop! You're Killin' Me!

Now, we all know that our president has an excellent sense of humor. He's possessed of a fine, fine fratboy style of making funnies. Why, he cracks himself up all the time. It's as if he's got thousands of little jokes floating through his head instead of thoughts about how to run the country. Bottom line: W. is a funny guy.

Today, though, he had me rolling on the floor, filling my undies with burst after burst of urine. In Panama to talk a little trade with South American pals, Bush was grilled by some snooty reporter types about the alleged "gulag" that we're supposed to be using in Eastern Europe to obtain information from suspected terrorists.

He came back with this priceless bit of wit: "We are finding terrorists and bringing them to justice...Anything we do that effort, to that end, in this effort, any activity we conduct, is within the law. We do not torture."

I just know there are going to be some idiots out there who won't get how hilarious that statement was obviously meant to be. "We do not torture"? Come on! When the entire civilized world has seen--ad infinitum--the pictures out of Abu Ghraib, Bush was obviously being ironic. I didn't see the press conference during which he made this statement, but I'm sure he had to've topped it off with a big ol' wink.

And why shouldn't he be cracking funnies about this shit? It's not like anybody's going to stop us from torturing. We're America! If they fuck with us, they'll get tortured!

I know--I just know--that there's bound to be people who mistakenly think that what Bush was saying was that the everyone on the planet who thinks that our treatment of prisoners is unacceptable is wrong. These people will point to the U.S. Senate's recent vote on legislation banning torture, or to the pending Supreme Court case on the legality of military tribunals, to bolster their claim that Bush's torturing and unilateralosity are just about through. Well, the joke's on them.

The Senate thing goes away with a flick of the wrist holding the Veto stamp and the Supreme Court case will be laughed out of a Roberts/Alito judiciary. Georgie, fully aware of all this, was joshing today in Panama. You might reasonably reinterpret what he said as, "We're not torturing anybody. Except people that piss us off! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!"

Woo! That guy should do stand-up.