HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005Hairshirt Christmas Horoscope
Aries: Your most fervent Christmas wish comes true: McDonald's introduces a McGriddle made with chocolate chip pancakes.
Taurus: You are justified in your stance that merely buying your husband things off of his Amazon Wish List would show little creativity or imagination. However, buying him things off of your Amazon Wish List isn't such a hot idea, either. Gemini: While it's perfectly fine to indulge your wife's Sex-with-Santa fantasy, you should keep in mind that there are some things you might not be able to clean out of Santa's beard. Cancer: Christ would probably not have a problem with you getting high before the Christmas Eve service. Leo: It's touching that you go to such great lengths to fool your children into believing that there's a Santa Claus, but they're in their twenties now and it's probably time you told them. Virgo: If you're looking to get a little Yuletide action, try singing your intended lover something more like I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm and less like The Chipmunk's Christmas. Libra: There are many who will be charmed by your anatomically correct gingerbread men. Your child's teacher is not one of them. Scorpio: Your unquenchable thirst for eggnog is starting to adversely affect your performance at work. Sagittarius: Perhaps the knife fight you engage in with your brother over whether Jingle All the Way or Christmas Vacation is the greatest holiday movie of all time indicates that you're wound just a little tight. Capricorn: Please don't make your kid play Good King Wenceslas on the recorder for the whole family. It will make everyone involved except you completely miserable. Aquarius: A dildo is not an appropriate stocking stuffer. Pisces: It might seem like a good idea to hide a dead body in a snowman, but remember: that shit's gonna melt.
Comments:
Being high is the only way I can get through the Christmas Eve service! (and nice job on the pisces, that cracked me up)
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