HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Thursday, December 22, 2005Season's Meatings
Because the New York City School system is run by the mewling, bastard by-product of a one-night-stand between Mr. Potter and the Grinch, I will have to work a full day tomorrow before driving eight hours to my folks' house in Ohio. This will leave me no time to clip my toenails, much less write a blog entry. So this is pretty much going to be it until after the weekend.
And so I'd like to take this opportunity to go through my list of Christmas wishes for you and the world at large. First, I wish that you get the chance--as I did this year--to bathe in a tub full of rice pudding. I realize that not everyone likes rice pudding, but you don't have to eat it. It's just an incredible way to relax. I wish also that your family, and every family 'round the world, can get through the Christmas holiday without seeing one or both of your parents get really soused and vomit on the family pets. I wish that George W. Bush would have a hot poker shoved up his ass. A hot poker with lots of jaggy spikes on it. Next, I wish for everyone to receive that one gift they're really hoping for this holiday season. Except maybe that guy who wants the Olsen twin's severed heads. He probably shouldn't get that. I wish that we would all have the opportunity to know true joy, without somehow fucking it up like we always do. But mostly, I wish I had two weeks off instead of one. So that's it. Enjoy your holiday. Don't drink and drive. Stay in school. Merry Christmas.
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