Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, January 09, 2006


Das Boots

Just a quick update on my shoe situation.

Yesterday, after a weekend during which I'd been smugly walking around, sneering down at my feet every once in awhile in vainglorious triumph at my defeat of the evil shoes, I noticed some pain. This pain was not in the place that my boots had been hurting me since the moment I'd put them on.

This pain was in another spot entirely. Now that parts of my shoes had loosened up and become friends with my feet (even discussing taking long-weekend trips together) another part of the boot had decided to step up and continue the abuse. I ignored it as long as I could, which was basically long enough for a blister to form and fill with a good quarter-teaspoon of goo.

Today, the little toe on my left foot was too sore for me to strap the shoes back on. I actually feared that said toe would detach itself from my body and run screaming down the street if I'd tried. So I put on some comfy older shoes and gave the big boys the day off.

But I'm not stopping. No sir. I'm not giving up. I'm going to bend these boots to my will. I'm going to tap dance in them to an Oak Ridge Boys song. I'm going to make these shoes my bitch. Make no mistake: These fuckers will do as I say.

Oh yes, they certainly will.

And if they don't, at least you'll have completely re-shaped your feet. That ought to be helpful when they need someone to fill in for a ship's anchor.
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