HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Wednesday, January 04, 2006Hairshirt Horoscope
Aries: You find yourself so full after weeks of holiday feasting that you have a really difficult time swallowing the bullshit that the Bush administration is feeding you about the Patriot Act.
Taurus: No matter how stressed out and emotional you find yourself this week, remember that it could be worse. You could be Tom Cruise's PR guy. Gemini: You are full of optimism and hope as you look forward at this brand new year. You're kind of stupid that way, huh? Cancer: You got your iPod, you got your leather jacket, but Santa didn't manage to slip that cure for Herpes into your stocking, did he? Leo: You really miss stamps that you lick. Virgo: This week, My Name Is Earl moves to Thursday nights. Finally, the network listened to the hundred-plus letters you sent in. Truly, you are a powerful person. Libra: Pathetic: Your underwear has been on backwards all day. More pathetic: This is the second day you've worn them and they were on backwards all day yesterday, too. Scorpio: Despite your absolute certainty, the line is not "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit." Seriously, look it up. Sagittarius: You are not in danger of being swept up in the Abramoff indictments, no matter how many times he ate at the Arby's where you work. Relax and go mix up some more Horsey Sauce. Capricorn: Now would be a great time to read all those books you got for Christmas. If you weren't illiterate. In fact, you're having someone read this to you, aren't' you? Aquarius: As far as sex games go, Mr. Rourke Punishes Tattoo is about as inventive as you get. Pisces: You are an inspiration to everyone around you. Which is a pretty fucking sad comment about everyone around you, isn't it?
Comments:
Great horoscope!
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I know how to write. You'd think I'd know how to read. I mean, it's not really a chicken and egg sort of mystery...or is it?
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