HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: Writing a letter of protest to the Westminster Kennel Club over the Best in Show awarded to a Bull Terrier is fine, but make sure you spell-check. You don't want a repeat of last year's "you'll suffer God's wreath" debacle.

Taurus: The rumored Cruise-Holmes split has absolutely devastated your sense of the rightness of the universe. How, you wonder, can anything ever be lasting and perfect if this, strongest of all possible loves, can come apart so very easily?

Gemini: This week, you get so excited during the broadcast of the Men's Curling semi-finals that you vomit all over yourself. The lesson? Have paper towels on hand when you watch curling.

Cancer: There are better philosophers to quote than Forrest Gump and it's time you learned that.

Leo: Your oysters & broccoli pizza is not going to be quite the taste sensation you'd hoped.

Virgo: There are only so many naked pictures of themselves a person can send to Molly Ringwald before she's going to get the wrong impression.

Libra: It's awesome that you still have your childhood teddy bear, but it might be unwise to bring it on a first date.

Scorpio: We all get frustrated when we can't finish a crossword puzzle, but sending a letter-bomb to Will Shortz might indicate that your fuse is a bit short.

Sagittarius: Today, you find yourself repeatedly saying, "Bjork!" And who can blame you? It's fun! "Bjork! Bjork! Bjork!"

Capricorn: Although your new love seems strong, it actually has the life-expectancy of a Dick Cheney hunting partner, so you shouldn't make any long-term plans.

Aquarius: A stuffed moose-head does indeed make a very manly wall-hanging. One must question, however, the wisdom of putting it up in the bathroom.

Pisces: Coffee, si! Coffee enema, no!

posted by Joe # 6:40 AM

Comments:

I absolutely love curling. That's the only reason why I watch the Olympics. Or do you know anything more thrilling?

# posted by

Konrad : 10:07 AM

Listen up, I'm starting to take offense at fate. Why can't it be more sensitive to my needs?

# posted by

An Urban Femme : 10:23 AM

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, February 15, 2006 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: Writing a letter of protest to the Westminster Kennel Club over the Best in Show awarded to a Bull Terrier is fine, but make sure you spell-check. You don't want a repeat of last year's "you'll suffer God's wreath" debacle. Taurus: The rumored Cruise-Holmes split has absolutely devastated your sense of the rightness of the universe. How, you wonder, can anything ever be lasting and perfect if this, strongest of all possible loves, can come apart so very easily? Gemini: This week, you get so excited during the broadcast of the Men's Curling semi-finals that you vomit all over yourself. The lesson? Have paper towels on hand when you watch curling. Cancer: There are better philosophers to quote than Forrest Gump and it's time you learned that. Leo: Your oysters & broccoli pizza is not going to be quite the taste sensation you'd hoped. Virgo: There are only so many naked pictures of themselves a person can send to Molly Ringwald before she's going to get the wrong impression. Libra: It's awesome that you still have your childhood teddy bear, but it might be unwise to bring it on a first date. Scorpio: We all get frustrated when we can't finish a crossword puzzle, but sending a letter-bomb to Will Shortz might indicate that your fuse is a bit short. Sagittarius: Today, you find yourself repeatedly saying, "Bjork!" And who can blame you? It's fun! "Bjork! Bjork! Bjork!" Capricorn: Although your new love seems strong, it actually has the life-expectancy of a Dick Cheney hunting partner, so you shouldn't make any long-term plans. Aquarius: A stuffed moose-head does indeed make a very manly wall-hanging. One must question, however, the wisdom of putting it up in the bathroom. Pisces: Coffee, si! Coffee enema, no! posted by Joe # 6:40 AM Comments: I absolutely love curling. That's the only reason why I watch the Olympics. Or do you know anything more thrilling? # posted by Konrad : 10:07 AM Listen up, I'm starting to take offense at fate. Why can't it be more sensitive to my needs? # posted by An Urban Femme : 10:23 AM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011