HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: That sudden and overpowering notion that you should quit your job and take up the biathlon, perfecting your technique and taking the 2010 Vancouver Winter Games by storm? Yeah, you might want to think that one over for awhile.

Taurus: Diet be damned, today, you deserve to eat an entire bag of malted milk balls. Just don't eat them with soda, or you might explode. It's what happened to Mikey, the Life cereal kid.

Gemini: Your viewing of the movie Curious George is ruined this week when you realize that you've already read the book and know how it ends.

Cancer: You are so fucking pissed that Pope Benedict didn't include you in his first batch of Cardinals that you are tempted to send him a box of cat turds.

Leo: You get very nervous this week when a black cat crosses your path. Then, you realize that it's just a hallucination brought on by your severe psychosis and that sets your mind at ease.

Virgo: Your underpants do not contain magical powers. They were not given to you by an old wizard who charged you with stopping evil in our world. You should definitely not attempt to stop a bank robbery while wearing the underpants and nothing else.

Libra: This week, while in London, you fail to mind the gap.

Scorpio: Someone from your past is trying to get ahold of you. Actually, it's that lady you flicked a boog on ten seconds ago, so we're talking very, very recent past.

Sagittarius: There are very specific rules about joining the Mile High Club, one of which is that both partners need to be conscious the entire time.

Capricorn: You need to ask yourself: how certain are you that that milk wasn't too far past the expiration date? Well?

Aquarius: You are shocked this week to find that Mickey Rooney isn't fucking dead yet. What the fuck does it take to kill that guy?

Pisces: There's a reason that most people don't enjoy tapioca in their beer.

posted by Joe # 6:58 PM

Comments:

Thank you, I think I WILL eat an entire bag of malted milk balls and I DO so deserve it (so do you).

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:20 PM

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

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		Wednesday, February 22, 2006 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: That sudden and overpowering notion that you should quit your job and take up the biathlon, perfecting your technique and taking the 2010 Vancouver Winter Games by storm? Yeah, you might want to think that one over for awhile. Taurus: Diet be damned, today, you deserve to eat an entire bag of malted milk balls. Just don't eat them with soda, or you might explode. It's what happened to Mikey, the Life cereal kid. Gemini: Your viewing of the movie Curious George is ruined this week when you realize that you've already read the book and know how it ends. Cancer: You are so fucking pissed that Pope Benedict didn't include you in his first batch of Cardinals that you are tempted to send him a box of cat turds. Leo: You get very nervous this week when a black cat crosses your path. Then, you realize that it's just a hallucination brought on by your severe psychosis and that sets your mind at ease. Virgo: Your underpants do not contain magical powers. They were not given to you by an old wizard who charged you with stopping evil in our world. You should definitely not attempt to stop a bank robbery while wearing the underpants and nothing else. Libra: This week, while in London, you fail to mind the gap. Scorpio: Someone from your past is trying to get ahold of you. Actually, it's that lady you flicked a boog on ten seconds ago, so we're talking very, very recent past. Sagittarius: There are very specific rules about joining the Mile High Club, one of which is that both partners need to be conscious the entire time. Capricorn: You need to ask yourself: how certain are you that that milk wasn't too far past the expiration date? Well? Aquarius: You are shocked this week to find that Mickey Rooney isn't fucking dead yet. What the fuck does it take to kill that guy? Pisces: There's a reason that most people don't enjoy tapioca in their beer. posted by Joe # 6:58 PM Comments: Thank you, I think I WILL eat an entire bag of malted milk balls and I DO so deserve it (so do you). # posted by Anonymous : 9:20 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011