Why--I'm asking--why do male figure skaters have to be dressed like rejects...
... from Starlight Express?
Can't we give these poor bastards some dignity? It isn't enough that they have to fall on their asses in front of an international television audience. It isn't enough that they're skating around to music you wouldn't load on your comatose enemy's iPod. It isn't enough that their very names are punch lines in gay jokes told by rednecks nationwide. But they also have to parade around in costumes that make the outfits on Dancing with the Stars look like the Hilfinger Spring Collection.
Have some pity, world. Get these guys some hockey outfits. Something to hide the bulge and pad the cocyx. Poor, poor sons of bitches.
