Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, March 20, 2006


As I Lay Watching Crap-o-Vision

I'm home sick today, and I've consequently become the victim of that most horrific of oppressors, daytime television.

There are several questions that come to mind when pondering this force of evil, the first of which would have to be, are there really that goddamn many people in the country who are doubtful about the paternity of their children? Every single fucking episode of Maury that I've seen has been on this topic. Does he even bother to do anything else anymore, or is that it? Another question: How the fuck does he manage to go from day to day without sticking a shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger? Didn't he used to be a journalist or something?

Even worse than Maury, though, was the president's speech in front of what I can only assume must have been a meeting of Future Douchebags of America in Cleveland. Who exactly is this halfwit trying to impress by bragging that he's thinking about our security every day? Ev-ery. Day. I think about getting rich every day. Ain't happened yet, has it, Cappy? Do you think maybe Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer's was contagious and Bush got a bad case of it? 'Cause he certainly doesn't seem to remember his efforts to tie Iraq to September 11th. In answer to a question on that topic from the audience, Bushie defended himself by saying, "I was very careful to never say that Sadaam Hussein ordered the attacks on September 11th." Which is true, I guess. He never said it. He did, however, pantomime it, mouth the words and use a magic marker to draw it on chart paper ala Win, Lose or Draw.

Actually, you know what I'd like? I'd like Bush to appear on Maury. Yeah, lets' get him up there in a half-shirt and a spandex thong for an episode titled, "My President Dresses Too Sexy and He Doesn't Care What I Think." He's already got the not caring part down cold.

Oh my god, I thought it was just coincidence that every time I ever saw part of an episode of Maury he was doing a paternity test episode. It really is all he does now.
win, lose or draw. there's a show they should most definitely bring back.
Youre right, It gets to be pathetic after awhile but who knows maybe his show is geared just for that. I mean there are shows that target certain audience and have specific agendas. Bush on the other hand doesn't want to be held accountable for his words but his responsiblity to act should justify his words which doesn't because he think he is not entitle to because hes the president. One final note, I think Cappy just wants peace of mind.
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