HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Monday, March 06, 2006I Feel Like Singing an Oscar-Nominated Song! For awhile there last night, I was worried. We'd gone through almost an hour and a half of the Oscars and there'd been nothing--nothing!--that had been mind-numbingly, jaw-droppingly awful. Then Salma Hayek (or some other actress who I think is hot) came out and introduced whichever crappy singer they got to perform the nominated song from Crash. They raised the curtain and there, on the stage, was a burning car. Okay, Crash has a burning car in it, I'm guessing? Awesome. Great. And we need to see this burning car on stage while she sings because...? Okay, well, never mind. There's a burning car. And she's singing a crappy song. So, that's the reality of my now and I'll deal with it. And now there are people and they're...Wait, what the hell are they doing? Is that woman in the white dress getting felt up in slow motion? Why are all these people looking so sad as they writhe around the burning car in slow motion? Good Christ! What in the name of Cheney's rage-aholism is going on? I was so puzzled/horrified/delighted by this dance number scraped from the armpit of Bob Fosse's corpse that I couldn't stop myself from laughing. For about five minutes. The mind-numbingly, jaw-droppingly awful moment had come. Blessed be. Other than that, the show wasn't much to speak of. The awards were spread around quite nicely, so we were spared the repetition of one film's theme music over and over and over. Jon Stewart rebounded from his flop-sweat-covered opening monologue and did what I would call a very nice job of hosting. (A writer on Salon wrote today about how completely awful she thought he was, but I think she might have some brain damage.) I guess the only other truly horrendous thing was the fifteen-minute-long cutesy-thon between Lilly Tomlin and Meryl Streep when presenting Robert Altman's life-time achievement dealie. I get that it was meant to be a tribute to the Altman Style, but it got old after the first "realistic" moment and then it went on long enough for me to go to the store for taco fixin's, make the tacos, serve them, digest them and then go back to the store for Tums. I will take a quick moment to say that I kicked ass in our Oscar poll. I nailed 14 of the winners. I did this because I'm a huge fucking geek and I know which films won which awards in the months leading up to Oscar night. (Also because I'm the only one who realized that they used the French title for March of the Penguins.)
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