Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Friday, March 17, 2006
I'm Toffifay's Bitch
So after bitching about how much candy my students eat yesterday, I found myself making a 7th period run to the drugstore for something to drink this afternoon when I was forced by powers stronger than me to make an absolute hypocrite of myself. I'd just meant to get a bottle of water, but I was walking by the candy shelf and I saw that they had Toffifay.
I've loved Toffifay since I was a kid and they had those ads that taunted you with the snide, "Toffifay, it's too good for kids! Toffifay is for grown-ups!" I took one look at that ad and ran out and bought five packs. I was thinking, "Fuck you! You're not too good for me now, are you, motherfucker?" as I downed all of them.
So today, instead of picking up a healthy snack--or even just a pack of nuts, fer Christ's sake--I wolfed down a bunch of chocolate-topped, hazel nut-filled caramel cups. Damn you Toffifay. Damn your siren song.
In other "news", I read a whole bunch of stories last night about how Catholic bishops around the nation were suspending the "no meat on Fridays" rule so that Irish Catholics could eat a bunch of corned-beef. Now, I think it's just awesome that these guys have official sanction from God to clog their arteries, but does it really deserve this much fucking coverage? Probably not. Happy St. Patrick's Day, you drunken beef-eaters.
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Thank you for reminding me of Toffifay. And for reminding me of that egregious ad campaign that forced me to buy and consume every ounce of it that my allowance alloted just to be factious.
'course, it was a similar ad campaign that caused me to buy big ol' bags of Lays potato chips, open the bag in front of the clerk, eat a single chip and then throw the bag away.
"HA HA! Fuck you Frito Lay! Fuck you square in the pooper!"
Jesus, I was a tard.