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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

 

The President Babbles in front of Microphones

President Bush gave another speech today, one in a series that he hopes will shore up the nation's confidence in the administration's policies in Iraq. As tonight was Parent-Teacher Conference night and I'm tired, I'm just going to put up a partial transcript of the speech. Enjoy.

Yesterday, I delivered the second in a series of speeches on the situation in Iraq. I spoke about the violence that the Iraqi people had faced since last month's bombing of the Golden Mosque in Samarra. Now, there are good types of violence and there are bad. Like, when it's Rush Week and you've got a pledge bent over a chair with his butt exposed and you just lightly graze him with a branding iron, that's not real violence. See, the press want you to think that Iraq is full of the bad kind of violence, but really, it's just kind of like the Iraqi people are going through a big Rush Week before they're all accepted into a democratic fraternity of brotherhood.

I also said that for every act of violence, there is encouraging progress in Iraq that's hard to capture on the evening news. For every car bomb that goes off and shreds a civilian's intestines, there are any number of people whose intestines are in perfect working order. But you can't shove a camera up somebody's butt and take a picture of their intestines. So the American people never get to see all the hundreds of miles of unshredded intestines that are in Iraq right now.

Yesterday, I spoke about an important example of the gains we and the Iraqis have made, and that is in the northern city of Tal Afar. Now, from the name, you might think that the city is not close. But that's not the case. The city was once under al-Qaida control. And thanks to coalition and Iraqi forces, the terrorists have now been driven out of that city. I don't mean that we drove them someplace, 'cause we're not chauffeurs or anything. I don't even really know how to drive.

Iraqi security forces are maintaining law and order, and we see the outlines of a free and secure Iraq that we and the Iraqi people have been fighting for. There are people who are gonna tell you that outlines don't count if they're really, really vague and you can't really see them. But I'm the kinda person who believes in outlines, even if it's only 'cause someone tells me they're there.

As we mark the third anniversary of the launch of Operation Iraqi Freedom, the success we're seeing in Tal Afar gives me confidence in the future of Iraq. To go back to my previous analogogy, if we're currently seeing that little bit of hazing that goes on during any good Rush Week, we can look forward in the coming months to the Iraqi people working together to create a really awesome Homecoming float. I don't know if they have flowers over there, but they could always do it with little bits of paper, too. You just wrap the paper on a pencil, then put some glue on it and then stick it on the float. Also a good way to make
pinatas.

The terrorists haven't given up. They're tough-minded. In other words, there minds are tough. They like to kill. They like it more than I like nachos. There's going to be more tough fighting ahead. I remember one time in college, I entered our house into the intra-frat Olympiad. I thought we'd kick ass at the Tug of War, 'cause we had this one real fat guy from Iowa...

(At this point, Mr. Bush launched into a fifteen minute account of his frat's victory over the Pi Delts, and so we'll end the transcript here.)

Comments:
I can't STAND those PI Delts! Thanks for ending this before then.
 
Parent teacher... I have two half days coming up of just that, starting tomorrow. Sigh.
 
Awesome speech, dude. You should write for him. Who would notice? He wouldn't.
 
Interesting blog. I like the way you illustrated the hard truth with melancholy.
 
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