Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
To Sleep, Perchance to Binge
The New York Times reported this morning that a number of people who take the sleep aid Ambien have been experiencing a strange side-effect. They have been cooking and eating massive amounts of food while they sleep.
The story describes people waking up completely bewildered with peanut butter in their mouths and cookie crumbs littering their sheets. One woman mentioned in the article who was wearing a full body cast at the time was found in the kitchen at 3 AM frying up bacon and eggs when she hadn't even been able to get herself out of bed to go to the bathroom while awake.
I'll be quite honest, I don't have a joke for this. I just think the notion of people eating five quarts of Ben & Jerry's while deep within the REM cycle fucking hilarious.
And the thing is, many of the people in the article were on Ambien because they requested it from their doctor after seeing ads for it on TV or in magazines. Sleepwalking through life, sleepeating all the way to the Big and Tall store.
What happens, I wonder, if there's no food in the house? Do these sleep-eaters go after their pets or children? Would it really be considered cannibalism if the person doing the chewing was dreaming of a bucket of KFC? Perhaps these people are missing a lucrative second career. If they're cooking while they sleep, they could get a full night's rest while working the graveyard shift at Denny's.
All I know is, I'm getting me a prescription of Ambien and going to sleep at night with big bowl of egg salad on my nightstand.
Remember the old 'one-night stand' joke? "She was so ugly, I chewed my left arm off so I didn't wake her before I left"?
Now I'd imagine if the homely lass popped the Ambien to cop some z's, she'd gnaw off your arm and save you the trouble.
I'd advise against the bowl of egg salad, especially in your sleep. Your bowels will thank you in the morning.Post a Comment