Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Thursday, April 06, 2006


If today was a normal day, I'd probably be going off on Tom Cruise's purchase of a custom-made adult pacifier to shove in Katie Holmes' mouth when she's in labor so that she doesn't do something un-Scientological, like make a noise. Yeah, you want to be careful not to complain or scream when you're passing something gigantic out of your urinary tract.

Or I'd be acting as a booster for the idea of having Paris Hilton play Mother Theresa in movie. (My God in heaven, this is such a beautiful idea.)

Today is not a normal day, though. It's Thursday and time for Roundtable. And so, I yield the remainder of my time to Lauren, who will tell you the lovely tale of an immigrant and her legacy. Enjoy.

Ummm, should I be worried? I believe the child is pushed through the BIRTH CANAL or the VAG as some people lovingly call it, not the URINARY TRACT. Uhem. Just so we're CLEAR:

VAGINA (vah-JY-nah):

The tube in a woman's body that runs beside the urethra and connects the womb (uterus) to the outside of the body. Sometimes called the birth canal.

urinary tract:

The system that takes wastes from the blood and carries them out of the body in the form of urine. The urinary tract includes the kidneys, ureters, bladder, and urethra.

I frickin' love your blog. It kicks ass.
Tom Cruise is a tragic idiot who has lost all sense and reason about what is appropriate and acceptable in life. I'm not even totally sure she's pregnant. Has anyone seen the bare belly?
See, here're my problems:

#1, I'm a guy, so my knowledge of female anatomy is a bit limited. If I knew too much about it, they'd revoke my Guy membership card.

#2, I love the word VAG, but I'm never exactly sure how to spell it. Should it be spelled like "fridge", to get the sound right? Vadge? 'Cause "vag" looks like it should rhyme with "bag".

It's all just too complicated.
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