Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, April 10, 2006


Wash-n-Dry, Moan-n-Bitch

I just got back from the laundromat. I'm thirty-five fucking years old and I just got back from the laundromat. It's depressing. Should I not, by this age, live someplace with a washer and dryer? Even a kind of crappy one that I bitch about all the time and can't quite afford to replace. That'd be acceptable.

If I lived just about anyplace else in the nation, I would probably be at a place in my life where I would have a washer and dryer. I'm not rich, but I make an okay living. By now, if I lived in, say, Oshkosh, I'd have bought a small house, have a yard, maybe grow cucumbers in the summer. (Not that I like or would eat cucumbers.) And I'd almost certainly have a crummy, cobwebbed room in the basement in which I would be able to wash my whites, my blues and greens, my browns and my greys.

But no. I live in New York. Specifically, I live in Manhattan, where the middle class has been shown a huge middle finger and told, "Go fuck yourself, because we don't need you. Manhattan is now only for millionaires or higher." Yes, it's a great place to live. Dammit. The museums and the diversity and the mass transit and blah blah fucking blah.

Every once in awhile, though, I just get to thinking that I'd chuck it all for fenced-in yard so my dogs could go out at night on their own and crap to their hearts content, while I sat in my bathrobe, snuggling with my wife on the couch. And where I could wash some goddamn clothes without thirty pounds of quarters in my pocket.

Your fantasy is my reality, and vice-versa.
That's exactly why I choose to live in the midwest. I can afford to buy a home (not big) with walls that aren't shared with anybody else, a yard, trees, an attached garage for my cars. There's enough to do here in the Detroit metro area (believe it or not), and I can afford to fly to New York for a weekend to have a good time once in a while. (Although I do hate paying $10+ for a drink).
For some reason I thought you were older.

That does suck. I used a laundromat for a couple of years and that was more than enough.
Gee, thanks Eternity. You thought I was older?!? Why? My frequent complaints about kids on my lawn or my nonstop talk of the glories of Metamucil?
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