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Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Tuesday, May 02, 2006Blaine! He's Gonna Live Forever! Light Up the Sky Like a Flame! Blaine!
I don't know if you're as big a fan of David Blaine as I am, but let me tell you, I could just not be more excited. The Magic One has started his latest incredible feat of daring and fortitude about eight subway stops from my apartment!
That's right! Anytime I want, day or night for the next week, I can hop the 2 train around the block from my home, change at 72nd and hop out at Lincoln Center so that I can go marvel in person at the wonder that is David Blaine. Y'know, I was among those that wondered how on earth he'd ever top the stunt where he was dangled for a long time off of a bridge, itself the only way possible to one-up the time he laid down in a sidewalk. But now I have my answer. David Blaine is going to become New York's goldfish! Well, I can't speak for the rest of the city, but I for one promise to clean his tank regularly and to never over-feed him. This is one pet I don't want to see flushed down the toilet, like my rabbit, Hopsy. I have heard that people are considering going to Lincoln Center and doing something to disrupt the Magnificence of Blaine, say by hurling dog feces at the tank or having someone create a diversion so they can sneak up to the tank and stick their junk on it. I say, "For shame!" How can anyone feel anything but awe and respect for someone skilled enough to swim around for a week in their own urine? God, he's talented! And I'm tired of the naysayers who seek to minimize Blaine's accomplishment by saying that he and all magicians are just huge geeks who need to find something better to do with their time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get to bed early tonight, because issue number seven of Infinite Crisis comes out tomorrow and I want to be well-rested when I read it. EDIT: I must shame-facedly admit that my wife and I went down last night to gawk at the goober swimming in his own waste. It was a very underwhelming sight.
Comments:
Wow. When I saw that, I forgot about the p*ss and sh*t factor. That does change the dynamics of his feat.
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Here comes the Blaine again, falling on my head like a memory...
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