HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: This week finds you searching for fun projects to do with your kids. Perhaps you should consider baking.

Taurus: It's been two days and you're only now starting to pull yourself together after the earth-shattering heartbreak of David Blaine's failure to break the world record for holding his breath. If it's any consolation, all it took for Blaine to get over it was two hookers and a couple grams of cocaine.

Gemini: You're experiencing a vague sense of unease. Which, when you think about it, is pretty fucking useless, because if you're uneasy, you really oughtta know the reason why.

Cancer: You've once again forgotten to send a Mothers' Day card until the last minute and once again will have to send it Express Mail. Well done, moron.

Leo: This week, you're feeling pathetic, wretched, like you just can't win no matter what you do. Sort of like the Cavaliers against the Pistons. Fucking Pistons.

Virgo: Right now, you are at your sexual peak, and you know it. Your body is driving you do experience the nastiest thrills around. Which is not exactly sitting well with the other nuns in your convent.

Libra: Polls show your approval ratings are at an all-time low of 28%. This could be due to the fact that they're only polling your ex-girlfriends.

Scorpio: This week, you find Jesus...with another woman. Well, he's a playa.

Sagittarius: A new pet brings joy and laughter to the household. She also brings 2 AM howling and diarrhea on the new white sofa, but I guess you buys yer ticket and takes yer chances.

Capricorn: The Capricorn who has just graduated from college has much to look forward to. Like a shitty job market and the fun of paying back students loans. Yee-haw!

Aquarius: This week, you are neither pickin' nor a-grinnin'. You're more obsessin' and self-medicatin'.

Pisces: What would you do for a Klondike bar? You're about to find the answer to that question, Pisces, and you're probably not going to like yourself very much afterward.

posted by Joe # 4:38 PM

Comments:

I'm a Capricorn and I graduated two years ago. I have the shitty job but no student loans. Take that, Zodiac! So there, Galaxy! Ha ha, the joke is on you, Universe!

# posted by

Donny B : 5:56 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, May 10, 2006 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: This week finds you searching for fun projects to do with your kids. Perhaps you should consider baking. Taurus: It's been two days and you're only now starting to pull yourself together after the earth-shattering heartbreak of David Blaine's failure to break the world record for holding his breath. If it's any consolation, all it took for Blaine to get over it was two hookers and a couple grams of cocaine. Gemini: You're experiencing a vague sense of unease. Which, when you think about it, is pretty fucking useless, because if you're uneasy, you really oughtta know the reason why. Cancer: You've once again forgotten to send a Mothers' Day card until the last minute and once again will have to send it Express Mail. Well done, moron. Leo: This week, you're feeling pathetic, wretched, like you just can't win no matter what you do. Sort of like the Cavaliers against the Pistons. Fucking Pistons. Virgo: Right now, you are at your sexual peak, and you know it. Your body is driving you do experience the nastiest thrills around. Which is not exactly sitting well with the other nuns in your convent. Libra: Polls show your approval ratings are at an all-time low of 28%. This could be due to the fact that they're only polling your ex-girlfriends. Scorpio: This week, you find Jesus...with another woman. Well, he's a playa. Sagittarius: A new pet brings joy and laughter to the household. She also brings 2 AM howling and diarrhea on the new white sofa, but I guess you buys yer ticket and takes yer chances. Capricorn: The Capricorn who has just graduated from college has much to look forward to. Like a shitty job market and the fun of paying back students loans. Yee-haw! Aquarius: This week, you are neither pickin' nor a-grinnin'. You're more obsessin' and self-medicatin'. Pisces: What would you do for a Klondike bar? You're about to find the answer to that question, Pisces, and you're probably not going to like yourself very much afterward. posted by Joe # 4:38 PM Comments: I'm a Capricorn and I graduated two years ago. I have the shitty job but no student loans. Take that, Zodiac! So there, Galaxy! Ha ha, the joke is on you, Universe! # posted by Donny B : 5:56 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011