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Saturday, June 03, 2006


Again With This Crap

Ye Gods, is there a more transparent example anywhere in history of political pandering than the GOP strategy of hauling out, yet again, flag-burning and gay-marriage amendments at mid-term election time? Is there anyone, anyone in this country, who doesn't see this and think, "Oh. Yeah, Bush is doing this to get conservative voters to the polls"? I'm fairly certain that a lobotomized gnu who's only been shipped to America in the last week could see this and manage to indicate through some sort of hoof-stomping what an obvious political ploy this is.

Sadly, it'll probably work, despite how pathetic it is. It worked last time, there's no reason to believe that voting booths across the nation won't be dancing to the rhythm of thumped bibles once again. "Two men with the right to inherit each other's property? That's an abomination in the eyes of Jesus! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get home to my wife/sister."

And flag-burning? Sweet milk of magnesia! Why don't the Republicans go ahead and introduce a bill that would make Bush King for Life, but would also make it a federal crime to shoot puppies out of cannons. Democrats vote against it and then get accused of hating puppies. It's just as subtle as flag-burning, truly.

Why can't the Left play this same game? Why can't we come up with some bullshit amendment that has no chance of passing or any real purpose other than to mobilize liberal votes? Good for the goose, good for the gander, right? Let's introduce an amendment outlawing patchouli and Birkenstocks. That oughtta bring liberals to the polls in full force. Or maybe a special tax on the number of Indigo Girls albums you own.

Whatever we come up with, we need to do is soon. Already, the cries of "Activist judges! Gay agenda! The sky is falling!" are filling the airwaves. And since the Democrats can't come up with any kind of unifying vision that would compel voters to get off their duffs and support them at the polls, we need to approach this from the other way.

See, I'm kind of like a younger, liberal Karl Rove, with these fantastic ideas. Just not a Karl Rove that will ever have any sort of political influence or power.