Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, June 19, 2006


My Cranky Pants Need to Be Hemmed

Well I'm in something of a funk. And I don't actually know why.

It could have something to do with the god-awful heat in New York. (95 degrees yesterday.) I broke down and put in the air conditioner last Friday, so hello doubled electric bills! This means that our apartment is relatively comfy, even though it's completely disgusting right outside our front door. Man, I love this city, but in the heat, the make-up falls off the prom queen to reveal the skanky, cold-sore covered whore beneath. (Wow, that's probably the worst analogy I've come up with in months. And that's saying something.)

In the heat, the dirt mixes with the humidity and makes you feel like you need to take a bath anytime you step outside. And since I don't like feeling this way, I'm thinking this could be behind my mood.

Then there's the class this morning that spent the entire period insulting me. I realize that being called "Gringo" should just roll off my back. I know that there are worse things than a student drawing a caricature of you with a dick in your mouth. I know that, on the scale of universal injustice, having a kid say, in broken English, "I'm going to come to your house and pee-pee on your sofa" doesn't rank that high. But, even though I only have to see this class once more, it still kinda gets me down.

As if that's not enough, people are actually feeling the need to defend Kyle XY. Come on, folks. We're better than this, aren't we? Please, God, tell me we are. Yeah, I get it, not having a belly button is freaky. But is it enough to build an entire show around? I mean, the most dire consequence of not having a belly button is that he can't get the fucking thing pierced.

The good news is that, nine days from now, I will be free. Free! Free! With all the time in the world to utterly disappoint myself by not getting as much accomplished as I want. Hurray for letting myself down! Again!

Okay. Enough of this. I'm gonna go steal some kid's yo-yo to make myself feel more powerful.

Actually, I'd be pretty upset if someone threatened to "pee-pee" on my sofa, especially in a classroom setting. Can't they say "urinate" or something a little classier than "pee-pee?"
I thought you were more greek than french...
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