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Friday, July 14, 2006


Seven Thousand Words You Can't Say on Television

A couple of summers ago, I read a quartet of similarly-themed novels one after the other. I started with Orwell's 1984, then moved on to Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I then read Fahrenheit 451, the only one of the four which I hadn't read before, which is strange, given that I cut my eyeteeth reading Bradbury in junior high. (I don't know exactly how I made it to junior high before cutting my eyeteeth, but there you go.)

These are all excellent novels and each presents its own variation on the theme of government gone wild (just like Girls Gone Wild, but with fewer boobs and more fascism). They're scary novels and really get you thinking about what happens when we give the people who control our country too much power. Kind of like how the Bush administration is right now.

I was cruising around the internet, doing a little light breakfast reading and I happened upon a blurb in's The Fix, which mostly does gossip and snarkiness (in a good way). This morning, though, they referenced a Reuter's article on how the FCC is going to start cracking down on live broadcasts of sporting events wherein a fan or player throws out an f-bomb or two in all the excitement and happens to get picked up by the microphones.

This is getting ridiculous, folks. Because of a few noisy assbags like James Dobson, we're going to strip away the freedom of millions of Americans to watch adult-oriented programming? Because a handful of bible-thumpers are too moronic to know how to work the V-chip on their TV, we're going to make cable networks so fucking paranoid that they won't show anything more controversial than Freaky Friday? (And I'm not talking about the original Jodie Foster version, people, the one Julie Harris tells John Astin to kiss her rosy-red ass; I'm talking about the tepid remake that foisted fucking Lindsay Lohan on us for the next decade.)

When my wife and I were visiting a friend in Spain a couple of years ago, we watched a bit of television (because what the hell else are you going to do in Spain, I ask you). And, man, one TV-movie we watched had sex scenes graphic enough to give the pope a boner. (Knick-knack, paddywack, give the pope a boner! I like that!) It also had acting worse than your average elementary school Christmas pageant, but that's neither here nor there. This wasn't on a premium cable channel or anything, mind you, this was on the Spanish equivalent of FOX (which I guess would be ZORRO).

I'm not saying that we need to have nekkid tatas bouncing all over the place on Good Morning, America or anything. But it's one more example of how our politicians go on and on about defending our freedom and how much more repressive every place else in the world is when they're doing their fucking utmost to strip those freedoms away from us. It's not really as big a leap as you might think to go from banning a list of curse words from the airwaves to banning criticism of the government. The only freedoms Bush and Co. are interested in defending are their freedom to make more money and inflict their will on the rest of us.

This crusade by the FCC needs to be stopped. We need broadcast and cable networks to put out some of the raunchiest shit they can find and then challenge whatever fine the FCC imposes in court. And we need to get these conservative nut-garglers out of office.

Because, someday, I want to be able to see Charlie Rose tell a guest to fuck a goat.

your point was completely evident during the broadcast of the homerun derby on espn on monday night when all audio was cut out when a player made an out and cursed...which could've just been solved by not wiring the drunken sailor-mouthed players of major league baseball for sound...
wow i ramble.
have a nice day.
just what the F*** are eyeteeth?
If they start showing nekkid tatas on GMA, I'm moving to, um, Espana. (how do you get the ~ to work on these comment features, anyway? Sheesh)
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