Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Thursday, July 27, 2006


Someone Save Our Young Stars!

Oh my! Oh dear! Poor Lindsay Lohan has been taken to the hospital for heat exhaustion! The poor thing. Why, she's just been through so much lately, what with the hectic movie schedule and the hanging out with friends at an opened-just-for-them Disneyland, I don't know how she manages to go on. And now this.

My, movie stars certainly do seem to suffer heat exhaustion more than ordinary slobs, don't they? Well, they just work so very hard on those fantastic movies we all love, it's understandable. They're out there in the heat and the lights for minutes at a stretch before they can retreat to the soothing coolness of their air-conditioned trailers. It's got to be just torturous.

Now, I just know there's going to be people saying awful, awful things about poor Lindsay, like that she probably had a little too much cocaine or that she maybe just got exhausted being such a whore. These people ought to be ashamed of themselves! Imagine, passing judgment on someone before you've walked a mile in their five-thousand-dollar-but-given-to-them-free shoes. For shame!

I say: Have courage, Lindsay! We're with you! You tell those slave-drivers you're working for that they can just by God figure out a way to air-condition the outdoors, if they expect you to show up to work on their stupid film. You deserve everything you've got, sweet-heart. You're not a spoiled, untalented waste of space at all!