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Thursday, July 27, 2006


Toe-Sucking Freaks!

People seem to have this really ill-conceived notion that the best perverts reside solely in big cities. They think smaller towns or more rural areas are inhabited by people who are once-a-month missionary only, except for the occasional farmer who bangs a sheep.

Well you are wrong, my friends! Read this one and weep!

It seems that my home county, the great and mighty Mahoning, is home to a national news-making sicko! This guy sucked on some unwilling gal's toe in a library in Boardman. I'm in Boardman nearly every time I go to Ohio, sometimes grabbing an Orange Julius at the Southern Park Mall, sometimes just browsing for porn on Market Street.

My God, this guy might've waited on me in Dillard's! What if he was admiring my feet? I mean, I've got some damned handsome tootsies here. Even I have a hard time resisting them sometimes.

It's so awesome that Mahoning County is in the national spotlight for something aside from our corrupt former Congressman, Jim "I Wear a Birdnest on My Head" Trafficant. Makes me proud.

It feels good though.
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