Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Tuesday, July 11, 2006



About a year and a half ago, I wrote about some of the things that can go horrifically wrong when people try to kill themselves. I said,

I worked for a long time in an industry that brought me in contact with people who'd attempted suicide and fucked it up. I worked with more than one person who had attempted to shoot themselves and had, instead, ended up with horribly mangled faces that they then had to live with. I worked with one kid who'd basically destroyed their digestive system because they'd attempted to off themselves with Drano on several occasions and had to eat through a tube for pretty much ever. I worked with another kid who had to live with a tracheostomy after a failed hanging had ruined their trachea.

This stuff alone had led me to the conclusion that there are just no guarantees that you're gonna succeed. And if you live through it, there's a pretty good chance you're going to fuck yourself up in the process.

Reading today's news, I saw that a guy in California caused the worst train wreck in our country in five years or so. This dipshit parked his SUV on the tracks, after stabbing himself and slashing his wrists, because he was suicidal. Then, as the train approached, he changed his mind and jumped out. Ten people died and about a hundred and eighty were injured in the resulting collision.

This adds credence to my position that suicide is the stupidest fucking thing you can attempt.

And events here in Manhattan yesterday back my conclusion up quite nicely. You may or may not have heard, but a doctor on the Upper East Side apparently attempted to kill himself by filling up his townhouse with gas, which then proceeded to do what gas does and exploded, destroying the building and injuring a number of people passing by.

It seems that Doctor Dipshit was going through a nasty divorce and wanted to kill himself to strike out at his now ex-wife. Bravo, idiot. Now she's certain to see what a wonderful guy you are and come running back! Mission accomplished!

My wife was reading up on this last night and found out that the building this butt-juggler owned and destroyed had landmark status, meaning that it had some historic or architectural significance, which is now lost to the city forever because this whiny little ass-pimple couldn't cope. Dude, you're a millionaire doctor living on the Upper East Side in a townhouse that you fucking own. Try being a crackhead, then tell me you've got it bad.

For the millionth time: suicide is fucking stupid. Unless you're terminal and in unbearable pain every day; unless you are being held for years without trial and tortured regularly by a fascist administration; unless you are trapped in a marriage to Tom Cruise, there is not valid excuse for it. So suck it up and deal.

Suicide is stupid (and sad). I just wish some of the suicide attemptors would be a little smarter about it and not put others in jeopardy.

Another crime that is bad (although usually much less severe), is vandalism. It accomplishes nothing and helps nobody. In one instance I heard of some kids that stole a stop sign and people died as a result. That was a ridiculously dumb move and I believe they went to jail.
Thankfully there were no deaths from the blast.

Regarding the landmark status, according to the New York Times:

The house itself is in the Upper East Side Historic District and was completed in 1882, built by L. D. Russell and J. B. Wray, architects and builders who worked on the Upper East Side. The city’s Landmarks Preservation Commission designated the building a landmark in 1981.

Seri Worden, the executive director of the Friends of the Upper East Side Historic Districts, a preservation group, said the house was unusual because it “had not been changed much at all.”
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