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Sunday, July 09, 2006


You May Not Kiss the Bride

I don't get people. I really don't. Tell me--somebody, please tell me--exactly how allowing homosexuals to wed will cause the institution of marriage to crumble like the walls of Jericho (or something else that crumbles; maybe a delicious cookie like a snickerdoodle). I can't wrap my mind around it.

You get hysterical bible-sucking troglodytes like Rick "I Had My Asshole Sewn Shut 'Cause It Offends Me" Santorum who say utterly ridiculous things like permitting gay marriage will lead to people marrying llamas or six-packs of Old Milwaukee. ("I now pronounce you...refreshing!")

I heard someone, after a New York appeals court passed responsibility for action on to the legislature, say something to the effect that banning gay marriage would encourage straight couples who get pregnant out of wedlock to get married themselves because there won't be gay couples to adopt their babies. (Okay, that's not exactly what this pinhead said, but it's as close an approximation as my tiny little brain can come up with and, I promise, what this yutz actually said was equally as moronic.)

Where do these people get their ideas? Does Santorum actually have constituents come up to him and say, "Senator, I jest wants you ta know that, if they pass a gay-type marriage thing, I'm proposing to mah toaster"?

Are there really legions of young people who will refuse to get married because lesbians can do it, too? "Becky, I love you and I want to be with you for eternity, but marriage is now a meaningless sham and an abomination in the eyes of the lord, so we'll just have to forego physical intimacy forever and live loveless, chaste, frustrated lives."

And I'm absolutely appalled at the number of otherwise respectable politicians who are so completely fucking gutless that they won't come out in support of this. When the hell are we going to get some goddamn Democrats who aren't afraid of stating an opinion stronger than "I am proud to say that I support oatmeal!"? We need leaders to lead, not to parrot back opinion polls to us. You can take into account what voters want without making yourself a goddamn slave to it.

But no. And so gays are left waiting for state legislatures to do something to help them. Which means they'll be stuck in the same "How about civil unions instead?" limbo forever, unable to make decisions for their dying partners, vulnerable to denial of health-care coverage under their boyfriend's/girlfriend's plan, relegated to second-class citizen status.

Separate but equal didn't work for segregated schools in the middle of the last century and it doesn't work for marriage today. Our nation's leaders need to wake up to that fact. Plus, I really want to marry a bowl of ravioli.

LOL, you crack me up every time I visit this blog!

As soon as I finish printing out this copy of a priest's collar, I shall pronounce you man and yummy, meaty pasta. I may now eat the bride...
I'm still confused as to WHY any self-respecting homoseshual would want to parrot an "institution" that has proven time and again that it doesn't work!

And I love that you gave the senator's aide a southern accent. What are you trying to say exactly? LOL :~)
It's pretty simple, Christian: Southerners fuck toasters. It's a fact.
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