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Monday, September 18, 2006


Papal Regrets

The Pope is pissing off people who practice Islam. Pope Benny gave a speech a while back in which he quoted a 14th-century scholar who was disparaging of the Prophet Muhammad. Muslims world-wide called him on it and, last week, the pontiff said that he was sorry...for the reaction to his words. Which is kind of like calling someone a douchebag and then saying that you're sorry that they're a douchebag.

So Muslims are still calling for a papal apology. The Pope doesn't seem about to budge.

But this week, he did issue a number of other apologies. The Holy Cheese said he was sorry:
  • For getting Lindsay Lohan so drunk she fell down and broke her wrist.
  • For calling Archbishop Emmanuel Milingo of Zambia a "punk-ass bitch" for his stance on marriage for priests. The Pope said he'd meant to call Archbishop Milingo a "chicken-shit punk-ass bitch".
  • For wiping a boog on the curtain at the Regensburg Holiday Inn during his recent visit to Germany.
  • For his ridiculous hat.
  • For joining the Hitler Youth as a teenager. The pontiff said the whole thing was a mistake and that he'd thought he was signing up for the Mickey Mouse Club.
  • For stiffing the waitress a tip while drinking at the Vatican City Hooters.
  • For the Inquisition. (It was actually a little unclear whether Benedict was talking about the Spanish Inquisition or that time last week when he wouldn't let Cardinal Angelo Saldono go to bed until he told him exactly where he'd been and why he was coming in at three in the morning.)
  • For being so unbelievably sexy.
  • For his coffee-breath.
  • For being a woman; a lonely woman who just wanted a man to love her, to touch her, to take her. It has been said that the Pope might have been quoting his favorite Italian soap-opera here, but that has been neither confirmed nor denied by Vatican spokesmen.

Yeah and maybe if the courageous Warriors For God In Islam kill a few more 65 year old nuns he'll really be sorry.
That first line reads like a tongue twister. Which is good because my tongue has been getting severely out of shape lately.
I don't know which of these is the funniest. Let it be noted that you were my first laugh of the day.

Do you hear hear that often?
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