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Friday, October 20, 2006


Falling on My Head Like a New Emotion

So last night, I'm out with my wife and my pal Deni--from Out of Tune fame--and we finish watching an advanced screening of a Zach Braff/Jason Bateman comedy. We go to Starbuck's, because this is New York and anytime you need to use a public restroom, you have to buy an overpriced espresso drink. We're standing there, waiting for my wife's grande iced decaf skim latte (which is a fucking pain in the ass to order, lemme tell you) and a song comes on the Muzak.

The song is "Here Comes the Rain Again" by the Eurythmics. It's an oldie, but a goody. When I say "goody", I mean to say that I've always been very fond of it, even though it's way fucking overdramatic. It's the kind of song you can enjoy making fun of. And I do. I do enjoy it.

I started singing it in my best Annie Lennox impression, with my cheeks sucked in and sorrow painted on my face with a wide brush. It was funny, you see. I'm funny. Everybody says so.

My wife got the joke. Deni got the joke. Y'know who didn't get the joke? Four young women sitting at a table with their vanilla bean Frappuchinos who proceeded to mock me and titter behind their hands.

That killed my little singing shtick faster than you can say, "sad old man". I really wanted to say something. Maybe explain gently, "No, no, girls. You don't get it. See, I'm not a pathetic douche, lumbering toward middle-age while I earnestly sing new wave tunes. This is comedy!"

I could, perhaps, have just unleashed pure rage on them. "What the fuck are you giggling at, you stuck-up, NYU-attending debutante assbags?" That probably would have shut up their laughing.

It might have been better to shift gears and attempt to convert them to Christ. Pretending to be a prostelytizing christian is a great way to avenge oneself on smug assholes who don't get your sense of humor.

I did none of these things. Instead, I slunk miserably away, grumbling to my wife and Deni and sipping sullenly on my mocha. This is why I don't sing karaoke. I don't ever want to be misunderstood by people who don't get that I'm mocking Kajagoogoo, not celebrating them.

Dude, killing a good time is their evil power, and the only way to win, without killing them, is to continue not giving a shit and behaving as dorkishly as you had been before.

Fuck 'em, man. Just fuck 'em.
Well, for what it's worth: I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY and I only just read about it. (The Beige One is right. Fuck 'em.) And worry not, time is on your side...someday they'll be old and no one will understand their pop star impressions.
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