Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Unenjoyable Kind of Misery
For the last month or so, I've had a really tough time writing anything. I've had to force myself to sit down even a few times a week and bang out a blog entry, to say nothing of the other things I need to get done. My mind has been, for the most part, on one thing. And it's not something that really fits in with what I normally do here. About a month ago, my wife and I found out--for the third time this year--that we'd lost a baby.
I'm really sorry for both you and your wife. I have a friend who just had a miscarriage. She talks about how people don't treat her like she's there, sometimes, because they don't know what to say, or how to react to her grief. Because people aren't sure how much grief and emotion is involved in a lost pregnancy, don't realize it's a lost child, hopes and dreams and a small person you were looking forward to saying hi to.
So I can only imagine how your wife must be feeling, for a woman, I think the guilt can be overwhelming. Wondering what you've done wrong and why your body wont' cooperate. She's lucky to have you, so you can lean on each other and grieve together. Because other people might not understand it's still a mourning process like any other.
I hope there will be a day when I'll be congratulating you on a new addition to your family--however that dream is realized.
I'm so sorry. Your wife and I spoke back in July/ August between the second and third pregnancies, and I know what a tough time she was having then. The recent baby boom amongst other friends hasn't helped with the grief, either, I know.
It's good you have each other. My thoughts, love and sorrow are with you both.
How horrible. I am so sorry that you are both going through this. It's not fair. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do to better support you. We will be thinking of you and sharing your grief.
My thoughts are with you. I can't pretend to understand but all I can say is to hang in there and think positively.
While Ly and I never actually lost a pregnancy, which I can't even begin to imagine the pain involved, we did try to get pregnant for a couple of years. I finally found out in July of 04 that my tubes are blocked and without overt measures, we wouldn't get pregnant.
It's hard to describe the pain, the wanting, the anxiety, to the people to which pregnancy comes without batting an eyelash.
Ly and I have now set our sights on adopting. It took a long time to grieve for what would never be, but eventually it was replaced with what we could give a child that needed a good and loving home.
However it happens J, I'm sure that you and your wife will, one day, be parents.
My thoughts are with you both.
Folks, I'd like to thank you all for your kind words and good thoughts.
My wife and I are doing okay, we just have bad days every now and then. Last week had a bunch of bad days, which made me feel a strong need to write about what's been happening.
Again, thanks for your support.
sh*t, bro... sounds rough. my sister was pregnant with twins (her first pregnancy) and they both hit the eject button - a few days apart. she eventually went on to two full term pregnancies.Post a Comment
you never know, but one way or another, something will work out for you.