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Monday, October 30, 2006


When the Comical Cow Outfit Just Won't Do Anymore

As it seems is the case every year, I'm once again scrambling to put together a costume for Halloween. It's really an Erma Bombeck-esque tale of domestic hilarity how hapless I am in the costume-putting-together department. I'll tell you about it sometime and we'll all have a warm chuckle over some cocoa.

Anyway, I've narrowed it down to a list of finalists and I'm looking for some feedback.
  • Monica Lewinsky in the soiled blue dress--I figure some time has passed, so there aren't gonna be a hundred other folks in the same outfit. Plus, it's still hilarious, when you think about it. I know there are some Republicans who have to be feeling pretty nostalgic right now for a time when they were going after a powerful Democrat.
  • Tender Heart Bear--Always my favorite of the Care Bears.
  • Drunk and Horny Ann Coulter--This is the scariest costume I could think of.
  • The "Two A-Holes" from SNL (Couples outfit with wife)--I don't know about you, but I just can't get enough of this sketch. It's as funny the five hundredth time they do the exact same thing as it was the first.
  • Rush Limbaugh doing Michael J. Fox--I'll just quiver and shake all night. Hilarity guaranteed!
  • Giant Douchebag--Actually, this is the same as the Rush Limbaugh costume.
  • Senator George Allen--I figure I can just walk around with a toilet and keep flushing my career down it.
  • Aaron Sorkin--Another simple one. I'll just masturbate and then talk endlessly about how important it is.
  • Batman--It'd just be really cool to dress up like Batman.
  • A Unicef Box--People will put money in me all night.
  • Skippy the Vomiting Clown--Just me in a rainbow wig, but it gives me an excuse to get really hammered.
  • Guy Impaled on a Puppy--Not quite sure how to do this one, but it'd be horrifying, spectacular and adorable all at the same time.
  • Pumpkin Bread--A lot of people might not "get it", but, damn, I'd be tasty.
Well, I don't know what I'm going to be. I'll figure it out, though. And then I'll have the best damn Halloween ever. Even though I don't really care for the holiday.

I'm wearing a green bowler and a goddamn shamrock. I'm Black Irish.
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