Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Between the Creeps and the Crazies
Getting off the subway this evening on our way home from a sort of half-assed attempt at Christmas shopping, my wife and I came across a yellow tent about a block from our building, just a few dozen yards from the station. A bunch of guys in puffy yellow coats that said "Volunteer Minister" were talking to people standing around the tent.
It wasn't until we got right up to it that a guy pushed a flyer into my wife's hand and I saw the sign saying, "Free Stress Test." Son of a bitch.
I'd been bumping into Scientologists every once in awhile for the last couple of years at the 125th St. 4, 5 & 6 station. That's a fairly major station, where the local train meets the express. Lots of traffic, people catching the Metro North train a couple blocks away or the M60 bus to Laguardia. It's the kind of place I'd expect to find L. Ron's Army. But now they're on my fucking block.
The flyer they gave my wife said, The Church of Scientology of Harlem. Great. A whole fucking branch of them. They're like fucking termites.
Then, when I was walking my dogs this afternoon, I saw a couple of Mormon missionaries bugging people as they went in and out of our corner bodega. I see the Mormons all the goddamn time, with their short-sleeve dress shirts and their backpacks, but I've never seen them so close to my house. Usually, they've fanned out from their church on Lenox Ave and stuck mostly to the main drags.
I fucking hate missionaries. There's just something inherently wrong with making it your job to force your religion down other people's throats. Yeah, yeah, I know. They see it as part of their faith to spread the word of their God. I'm here to say they can feel free to spread that word right up their own asses.
I don't believe as they do, I don't want to hear about how great what they believe is. I'm not going to try to talk them into agnosticism. Why the hell can't they leave me alone? Cannibals had the right idea. Missionaries should be boiled in a big cauldron with some potatoes and carrots, then fed to the poor.
Now, perhaps that's a little intolerant and uncharitable of me. I guess they'll just have to say a little prayer and forgive me.
I couldn't agree more. Religion should not be a popularity contest and the missionaries tend to make it one. The only thing I can say to support them is that many of them truly believe they are doing you a favor by converting you. But then, many of them are ignorant of other religions. A friend of mine who is also Hindu asked a "conversion artist" how he knew Christianity was better than Hinduism if he didn't know about Hinduism. To that, the person had nothing to say.Post a Comment